Encouragement for Homeschooling Moms Giveaway!

February 26, 2013 By 12 Comments

As homeschooling moms, we can always use some encouragement!   Lori Hatcher, a 17 year veteran homeschooler, has written a series of 40 devotionals, along with application questions, action steps, and a prayer of  commitment.  Lori shares things she has learned from her own experience as a homeschooling mom, and writes with honesty and humor in her ebook:  JOY IN THE JOURNEY.

 

The book has 126 pages, with a different devotional for every week of the school year.  An added bonus is the article “6 Reasons Homeschooling Moms Quit.”  I enjoyed the articles so much that I read them all in one evening!  Just a few of my favorite titles are:

*When You’ve Lost Your Joy

*Homeschooling is a Spiritual Endeavor

*Giving Thanks When You Don’t Feel Thankful

*Choosing That Which Is Better

Some of the  topics these devotionals cover are discouragement, character growth, relationships in the family, and priorities.  Every devotional is timely and applicable for homeschooling moms, whether you are just beginning, or if you’ve been at it for several years.  They will  encourage you, make you laugh, as well as renew and refresh your vision.  She’ll teach you how to know the difference between good, better, and best, and how to seek God for everything you need to homeschool your children successfully.

Like a visit with a wise friend, Lori’s words come alongside you to cheer you on through the joys and struggles of homeschooling motherhood.

THE GIVEAWAY:  Lori is giving two copies of her ebook to my readers!

TO ENTER:  Simply leave a comment about what area of homeschooling you need to be encouraged in.  Contest begins immediately, and will run through Friday evening, so don’t wait!  Feel free to share this great offer with your friends!

If you don’t want to wait,   you can purchase the ebook for only $1.99 via Paypal.  (A great value!)

Filed Under: Character, Discouragement

PRAYER – It Makes a Difference!

January 23, 2013 By 7 Comments

Today I am giving the last of the 4 “must do’s” for Moms.  This series is a follow up on an article I posted several months ago  called Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Best Mom of All? .  If you missed that article you can read it here: Mirror Mirror.

praying-momThe first  three “must do’s” that we’ve talked about are:

DISCIPLINE

TEACH GOD’S WORD DILIGENTLY

 TRAIN OUR KIDS IN GODLY CHARACTER

 

Today we’ll be looking at the 4th must do:  PRAY FOR OUR CHILDREN

I still remember a particularly “bad” day I had with the kids when they were younger.  It was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS!  It seemed as though the kids were out to break every rule, and they had forgotten everything I’d been trying to teach them.  It felt as though all I did that day was correct and discipline.  (If you have several young children, I’m sure you can relate to this!)  By supper time I was feeling tired, frustrated, and discouraged.  I questioned whether all my efforts to teach and train them made any difference.  It sure didn’t seem to be helping.  As these thoughts flooded my mind, the Lord quietly reminded me of two things.  First, those negative thoughts were false and were coming from the devil.  Second, all through the day with all of the frustration, I never took the time to pray and ask God for His help!  My efforts were failing, because i forgot to seek His help.  Usually I pray for the kids first thing in the morning, and ask God for His wisdom as I begin the day.  When I forget,, I can tell.  It makes a difference!

My husband drives a truck for work, and in that time alone he has made it a practice to pray for each of the kids, and for me.  Sometimes (after ‘one of those days’) when he comes home I will ask him, “Did you forget to pray for us today?”  When he replies yes, I’m not surprised.  I can tell the difference.  Other times he asks me how the day went and I tell him things went well – the kids were good, etc.  This time he’s not surprised, because he had been praying for us.

It’s surprising how often we talk about prayer, yet how easily we forget to use it when in need.  (And we’re always in need of God’s power!)  Regardless of how much effort we put into teaching and training our children, without prayer we won’t see the results we desire.  God takes what we do, and uses it in our kids lives to produce fruit.  (“Except the Lord build the house, they labor in van that build it.”  Psalm 127:1)

How or what should we pray for our kids?  Do you get stuck after, “God bless Junior”?  If so, here are a few ideas of things to include as you pray for them:

1.  The biggest thing is to claim the authority of your union with Christ, and ask God to pull down Satan’s plans against your children, and pull down the strongholds.  I remember when one of my teens was struggling, and the pastor prayed with us.  My eyes filled with tears as I heard him say, “…and Satan, leave her alone.  She belongs to God, and you can’t have her….”  Wow – what a great reminder of the spiritual battle we are in for our kids, and that praying is spiritual warfare.

2.  Pray for each child according to his needs, his strengths, and his weaknesses.

3.  Just a few of the specific things I have prayed for regularly for my kids when they were younger:

*their salvation
*a love for God
*a love for His Word
*protection from wrong influences
*purity of mind and body
*their future spouse
*growth in Godly character

This isn’t a total list at all, but just a few ideas to help you get started.  Be sure you pray for your kids regularly.  It DOES make a difference!

 

Filed Under: Character, depending on God, Discouragement, Parenting, Pray for wisdom, Praying for our kids, time for prayer

Peace in the Storms of Life

January 11, 2013 By 1 Comment

peace in the storm

Carrying a heavy weight right now – one child making some serious decisions that have me concerned. Another one struggling with some very difficult circumstances. The mother in me hurts for her.

Thoughts are swirling through my head for both of my precious children.

Worry – what if…….

Then the thoughts of what I can do to “fix it” (isn’t that mothers do?!) “If I do or say this, then maybe…..”

Then God speaks and says, “Let ME. I don’t need your help. Just give it to me, let go, and trust.”

Sounds so easy, but it’s not. So I have to choose – I can continue to carry the burden, and be consumed with the possibilities of what might (or might NOT!) happen.  I can continue to be consumed with concern for the hurt that the one is facing – or I can can remember that it  will make her a stronger, better person if she turns to God through it. I am choosing to give it all to God. Both of the kids, both of their circumstances, and all of their needs. As I let go, I feel His peace.  Then I ask myself, “Why didn’t I do that sooner?!  Why do I carry burdens when He tells me to cast my cares on Him?  Why don’t I trust Him like I should?  He has never failed me yet!”

I think one of the reasons this is SO hard for me, and probably for most moms, is that we have always been there to help our kids – to kiss their ouchies, hug them when they cry, and take care of what is causing the tears.  However, as our kids get older, we don’t have the same control.  We can’t control their every decision, or the outcome of those decisions.  We can’t keep them from the hurts that are part of life.  It makes me think of the story in the Bible when the disciples were in the boat with Jesus.  The wind started blowing, and the waves grew high.  The disciples couldn’t do anything to control the weather, but they went to the one who could.  Jesus got up, and said, “Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.”  The exciting lesson here for me:  I can’t control the storms that come into the lives of my kids, but I can go to the one who can, and the one who has control!  He then whispers peace to my soul.

Some things that help me when I am struggling with worry, and need to give it to God:

1.  I go to my Bible, and find verses to encourage me.  Verses about God’s peace, about trusting God, and pouring out my heart to Him.

2.  I listen to good music.  This morning I was listening to music on the Christian radio station, and the song came on “There’s not a friend like the lowly Jesus; no, not one!”  My eyes filled up with tears as I was reminded of this truth.  What a privilege to be able to “have a friend in Jesus”, and take everything to Him in prayer.

3.  I try to stay busy.  It’s easy to get consumed with the thoughts, and not want to do much.  Keep doing what you need to do – nothing changes or gets fixed by just sitting & thinking about it.

It’s easy as a mom to fall into the worry mode, and then we are tired, and discouraged, and everything seems even worse.  I’m so glad that we can always go to God, and He will give us His peace and comfort in any of the situations we are facing or dealing with. I love the verse in Psalm 94:14:  “In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.”  No matter what storm you may be facing, and all the thoughts that go with that storm, trust God with those thoughts, and let Him comfort you with His peace!

(This relates to my previous post:  HOLD ON)

 

Filed Under: Bible, Discouragement, God's peace, Mothers, Need Comfort, Parenting, trusting God, worry

7 Things We Need to Remember – part 4

December 11, 2012 By 5 Comments

In the previous 3 posts, we have talked about the following things that we need to remember:

1.  Our Purpose

2.  Our Position and Perseverance

3.  Our Priorities and Power

 

Today we will talk about the last 2 things that we need to remember.

6.  Promises

Probably one of the best ways to describe our parenting and homeschooling days is BUSY.  And often in the midst of all the busy, we begin to carry the weight of all our responsibilities on our own shoulders.  We forget, like I mentioned in the last post, about our power, and the promises that are ours to claim.  God doesn't lie, and if He promised it, we can believe it.  We need to remember and claim His promises!  A few of my favorites:

"Let us not be weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."  Galatians 6:9

"Call unto me and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not."  Jeremiah 33:3

"So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth; it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it." "Isaiah 55:11 

As we use God's Word to teach and train our kids, let's remember these promises, and that His Word will NOT return unto Him void.  And when you are weary, remember you will reap results, but you have to keep on.

Find some promises that encourage you, and claim those!  Write them down somewhere where you will see them everyday.

7.  Product

This point kind of goes back to our first point – what is our purpose, or what are our goals?  What do we want to see in our kids as a result of our teaching and training? 

"How will God characterize the lives of our children someday?  Would to God it will be said that our children did that which was right in the sight of the Lord all the days of their lives.  God has promised to bless the righteous.  I long for God's blessing on my children.                 -Dave Sorenson Training Our Children to Turn Out Right      

 

I shared this song/poem in a previous post, but it fits so well with this point that I'm going to share it again as an ending to this point, and this series of posts.  It has a great message, and is a great reminder to us of our responsibility as parents to remember these things!

The Finished Product

God gave us a special task, it's a job that we treasure;
His hands made and fashioned a little gift to bring us pleasure.
He counted us worthy to bring your life into this world,
Now He waits to see what your life will be,
O magnify the Lord!

I remember your first smile, and how it touched my heart;
I've known you were a special child from the very start;
And I recall your first steps and how they thrilled us so,
We prayed to God above, that in His love,
He'd guide each step you go!

I remember your first words, spoken in a childish way;
How we longed for our dear Lord to be pleased with the things you say;
And how we strived to hide His Word in your soul, to cleanse your way,
And purify your heart – please don't depart,
Don't ever go astray!

Now we know the time has come when you must start to school;
How could we send you to a place where our Lord is ridiculed,
Where blasphemies and mockeries are uttered by the score,
What would it do, to little you?
Oh, you deserve more!

For all you are is what we make you, and you deserve the best;
We want to plant in you a faith that will withstand every test;
We must not fail to train you up in the way that you should go;
Everything we say, every move we make,
Every place we go, every step we take,
Everything we do will all influence you….
What will God say when we give to Him the finished product?

                                                                                                                             -Bonita Epley

                           

 

Filed Under: Bible, Character, Discouragement, God's promises, Homeschool goals, Mothers, Product of parenting, Purpose in parenting, Purpose of homeschooling, Truth of God's Word

7 Things We Need to Remember – part 3

December 9, 2012 By 2 Comments

 In Part 1, we talked about remembering our PURPOSE.

 In Part 2, we talked about remembering our POSITION AND THE NEED FOR PERSEVERENCE.

 Today, I'm going to talk about the next two things we need to remember.

4.  PRIORITIES

Having our priorities in order helps us to persevere when things get tough, or we get tired.  Priorities keep our focus in the proper place so when doubts and discouragement come, we will persevere by holding fast to those priorities.  If we don't KNOW our true priorities, we will be easily overwhelmed. 

The word priority is defined as first in rank or time of service.  So basically, our priorities are the things that we give first place to daily.  We may say something is a priority, but if we let something else replace that, the replacement has become the priority.  For example, as parents who are trying to raise Godly children, we say that teaching them God's Word is a priority.  But often, we will let our schedule get so busy, that we go through the day without spending time teaching them God's Word.  We have let those other demands become our priorities. 

I mention this often, and I don't mean to be repetitive, but this is something that I have to remind myself of regularly, so I will share it again.  God's Word shows us what our priorities should be as parents.  In II Peter 1:5 it says, "….add to your faith virtue (or character); and to virtue knowledge."  Our first priority ought to be building our children's faith, by teaching them about God, to love God, and to know & love His Word.  Next, we should work on their character development.  This takes work and time, but it is our job as parents, so we need to make it a daily priority.  Third would be the academics or knowledge.  I would much rather my children have the character quality of wisdom, and lack a little bit of knowledge, than the opposite. (Proverbs 4:7  Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom.) Wisdom  is just one of the many character qualities we should be trying to teach and example to our children.  We need to remember to purposely work on their character, and make it a daily priority.

"Development of character is critical to the proper growth and maturation of a young child.  Home educators are returning to the crucial development and nurture of character.  The most important task on the educator is to prepare his students for life.  And the best way to prepare a student for life, is to teach, model, and promote the development of godly character.  Character training is the most important and most laudable activity for a teacher to be engaged in.  If a student is taught nothing else save character alone, he will be better prepared for life than those who are taught pure academics but no character."    -Ray Ballman  THE HOW AND WHY OF HOMESCHOOLING.

Keeping these priorities in place is something we need to always be working on.  Occasionally check how you have spent your time during the week, and see what your time usage indicated that your priorities were. Make sure you don't let other things take first place over what God says is most important.  (See article:  Keeping School in Its Proper Place)

5.  POWER

One of my favorite quotes is:  we need to work as though it all depends on us, and pray as though it all depends on God!  Even if we do "all the right things", God has to also work in our children's  heart.  It's such a blessing to know that even when we feel desperate, we don't have to do it on our own!  We have a God in heaven who invites us to come to Him, and seek His help and power. 

"Thus saith the Lord, Ask me of things to come concerning my sons, and concerning the work of my hands command ye me."  Isaiah 45:11

I just LOVE that verse!  It's an open invitation to come to God.  We must not forget where our power comes from, nor to ask for it.

"The battle for our kids is waged on our knees.  When we don't pray, it' slike sitting on the sidelines watching our children in a war zone getting shot at from every angle.  When we DO pray, we're in the battle along side them, appropriating God's power on their behalf.  When you pray for your child, do it as if you are interceding for his or her life because that is what you ar edoing.  You're fighting the devil.  When we regularly and consistenly come before the Lord on behalf of our amily, we are acknowleding our dependence on Him to work in their lives.  "                                                                                                                                                                               The Power of a Praying Parent - by Stormie Omartian

How often do you pray for God's wisdom and guidance, and how often do you pray for Him to work in their heart? This is something we really need to remember to do!

TO BE CONTINUED……

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Bible, Character, depending on God, Discouragement, Faith, Feeling overwhelmed, Parenting, Pray for wisdom, priorities, wisdom from God

SEVEN THINGS WE NEED TO REMEMBER

November 30, 2012 By 14 Comments

I admit it – I am starting (or continuing) to have some memory issues, or senior moments!  I know the problem.  It really has NOTHING to do with old age, and EVERYTHING to do with how many children I have.  With each child I've had, I have lost a little bit more of my memory.  Since I have EIGHT kids, it would make sense that my memory isn't functioning, right?!  "I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children."  (Have you seen that ecard? It's SO true!) 

I could tell some pretty good stories about my moments of forgetfulness, but instead I'll get to the point of this.  smiley

When we start our parenting journey, and/or homeschooling, we have a vision and are usually excited and passionate about it.  With homeschooling, often over time we get overwhelmed with all the curriculum choices; all parents struggle with schedule decisions, what outside activities to be involved in, etc.  It's a common thing to get overwhelmed, discouraged, or totally off track from where we started. The key to dealing with the discouragement, and feeling overwhelmed is recognizing what we have forgotten. I'm going to share seven things that I tended to forget at times over the years of parenting and homeschooling.

SEVEN THINGS WE NEED TO REMEMBER

1.  OUR PURPOSE

Purpose is defined as an aim or a goal; an intention.  What are your parenting goals?  If you homeschool, what was your purpose?  Here are some of the most common purposes or goals we probably all share:

*We realize we are ultimately responsible and accountable for child training and instruction.  (Deuteronomy 6)

*We are seeking to train not just the mind, but also the heart and sould.  True education integrates faith in Jesus Christ with the content of learning.

*We desire to bond with our children, and keep their hearts.

*We want to teach kids our values, and help keep them pure. 

I'm sure you have many other goals and purposes, but the key thing is as Christian parents, we MUST have an active purpose and philosophy of teaching and training our children.

"The emphasis throughout the Word of God is to train our children from their infancy to serve the Lord; to train them on purpose to be righteous; to train them specifically to be godly; to particularly train them to be disciplined; to train them to do the things they ought to do; to train them to walk in the spirit.  The goal of every Christian parent ought to be that his children grow up to be godly, not just good."   (From the book by Dave Sorenson: TRAINING OUR CHILDREN TO TURN OUT RIGHT.)

Now that is something that I need to remember!

TO BE CONTINUED……..

 

Filed Under: children serving God, children walk in truth, Developing relationship with children, Discouragement, Faith, Feeling overwhelmed, frustrated mom, Homeschool goals, Homeschooling, Parenting, Purity, Purpose in parenting, Purpose of homeschooling, Reaing Godly children

7 Causes of Frustration in Parenting – Part 2

September 21, 2012 By Leave a Comment

7 Causes of Frustration in Parenting – Part 2

Yesterday we talked about the first three causes of frustration in parenting: arguing and sibling squabbles, no sense of accomplishment, and lack of character in your children.  Click here to read Part 1.

4.  Out of Control Children
Children need to be taken from parent control, to self-control, to God control.   That's the big picture to keep in mind.  This goes back to the character issue, and  results when kids haven't learned the character quality of obedience.  If your children haven't learned to obey you, and are out of control, you will be constantly frustrated, and trying to teach them anything academically will be very stressful.  Every day you will fight the battle of the will.  Your children need to learn to listen and obey the first time they are told, without question.  We  taught our children that obedience is doing what you're told with a happy spirit, or with a smile.    I love the words of the Patch the Pirate song, "I Will Obey Right Away":
 

I will obey the first time I'm told, I will obey right away;
Never asking why, never with a sigh,
I will obey right away.

We sang that song OFTEN with the kids! (From Patch Praises 1 CD - Check it out!) If your children learn to obey, and aren't out of control, your days will go much smoother, and be more productive.  There will always be times when the kids struggle with this, even though they've been taught right.  Don't let it upset you, but rather remind them what obedience is, and practice the right  response.  Don't get frustrated and look at discipline and training as an interruption in your day.  Remember, that's our job as parents!  One of the reasons we homeschool our children is so we can daily work on their attitudes, and train them in Godly behavior.  It's more important than getting all the academics done for the day.  If they get all their school work done, but have had  a bad attitude the whole time, it really doesn't mean much.  I'd rather they finish only half of their lessons with a good attitude!

5.  Over Commitment
Life is busy, and we all face the challenge of having to choose which things to say yes to, and saying no to a lot more things than we say yes to.  We can't do it all.  When I get too busy, it crowds out my relationship with the Lord, and with others.  When our days are full with activities, it stresses each member of the family.  Being too busy also increases our physical fatigue, and often our health suffers.  The answer lies in making wise choices.  Go to the Lord and ask Him for His wisdom, and for guidance as to what HE wants for your family; how He wants you to use your time, and spend your days; what activities He wants you involved in.  Go to God and seek His priorities daily.

6.  Disorganization
"Let all things be done decently and in order."  (I Corinthians 14:40 KJV)  Being organized and orderly is important to God.  It also will make a huge difference in your productivity each day.  There's nothing more frustrating than starting your day off looking for school books, paper, or pencils.  Having your kids running around doing their own thing because there is no structure, will add to the confusion.  It is well worth it for you to set aside a block of time to organize your time, and make a weekly schedule for everyone to follow, that includes household management.  Keep in mind that the schedule is a  tool, and not your master.  It is meant to give structure and guidance to  the kids, and enable them to know what is expected each day. It's a way to incorporate your priorities into each day, and accomplish the things that matter.   I would  suggest not worrying about exact times, so much as a routine to follow each day.  Allow for flexibility as needed.

Parenting and homeschooling may not always be easy, and there will be times of frustration. Stay encouraged and excited about the eternal value of the job  God has trusted you with as you raise those blessing for Him!

Filed Under: attentiveness, Bible, blessings, Character, Character resource, chidren are a gift, consistent discipline, diligence, discipline, Discouragement, encouraging children, eternal value, Feeling overwhelmed, frustrated mom, Homeschooling, Mothers, obedience, Parenting, routine for kids, Scheduling, sibling conflict, stressed Mom, structure for kids, training children, wisdom from God

A JOYFUL Mother – Part 3

September 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment

 A JOYFUL Mother?!   -  Part 3

"He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.|"  Psalm 113:8

In Part 1 of this series, I shared the 3 things that often steal my joy.  If you missed it, click here to read it.

In part 2, I shared my thoughts on how my lack of joy affects my children.  Click here to read it.

WHAT CAN I DO TO BE MORE JOYFUL?

1.  Be careful how I think. 
Not too long ago, I was discouraged about some situations, and my mind was full of negative thoughts.  I was praying about it, and the Lord reminded me of the importance of RIGHT thinking.  Rather than believe the things the devil was putting in my thoughts, which were nothing but lies, I needed to dwell on the truth of God's Word.  When I felt like I couldn't handle things, God reminded me that "I can do all things through Christ."  So often we stay discouraged and lose our joy, because we aren't focused on the truth of God's Word.  To stay focused on those truths, we need to be reading God's Word daily, as well as meditating on it.  I know how hard it can be to find time for this as busy, young moms.  However, everything that we do as moms, needs to rest on the foundation of God's Word.  Finding time to spend in His Word MUST be a priority. 

2.  I need to give my expectations to God. 
When I start expecting my husband to do certain things to help around the house, or expecting my children to be extra diligent in their school work, or go the extra mile to be helpful, I am setting myself up for frustration, disappointment, and a loss of my joy. Don't expect, but rather count it as a blessing when someone does something extra that pleases you.  My favorite quote about this:  "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed." 

3.  Be thankful! 
The easiest way to accomplish the first two things above, is to have a thankful heart.  "Count your blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done."  When I find myself getting irritated about dishes being left in the sink, I stop and tell myself "I'm glad we have dirty dishes.  That means we aren't going hungry."  Then I thank the Lord for His provision.  You can do this with any situation that is making you irritable. 

4.  Listen to and sing hymns, and good Christian music. 
Music can lift your spirit, and increase your joy.  I remember how my mom was always singing, and seemed happy.  I'm sure she had times that she wasn't feeling real joyful, but she had learned that singing would help change her heart.  Often I will turn on a CD of Scripture songs when I find that I am in need of an attitude improvement.  There's something about hearing God's Word that just changes your heart and your attitude.  I remember the  day as a young mom of several children when my attitude wasn't very good.  I was grumbling and unhappy about dishes, diapers, discipline, etc. Right in the middle of my grumbling, I heard my little son singing in the other room.  He was singing the Scripture song that we had learned a few weeks earlier: "In everything give thanks".  It convicted my heart, and I realized I needed to change my attitude, and be thankful.

As moms, let's ask God to help us to live each day joyfully!  What better way to lead our kids to Him, than demonstrating the joy that only He can give us.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: believing lies, Character, Discouragement, expectations, hymns, Mothers, negative thoughts, Parenting, right thinking, right thoughts, Truth of God's Word

Blessings of a Large Family

September 8, 2012 By 14 Comments

God blessed my husband and I with eight wonderful children.  Back when they were all younger, and we had little ones, I was amazed at the comments and looks we got from people when we went out as a family.   For that matter, when I just mention to someone that we have eight kids, I get shocked looks.  “You have EIGHT kids?!  I only have two, and I can’t handle it.  How do you DO it?!”   Others comment on how patient I must be.  Some even come right out and say I must be crazy! 

The truth is that I’m really not all that patient, but I may be a little crazy!  :) I am crazy enough to believe that children are a gift from the Lord, since that’s what His Word says.  I’m also crazy enough to believe that God will supply all our needs as His Word says.  Most people today look at children as a burden.  They worry that they can’t afford more than one or two children. I can’t say that I never worried about money, but I can say that God NEVER failed to provide. 

Some blessings we have found with having a large family:

1.  A large family can reach more people for the Lord.  We have children (young adults) who are now serving the Lord, and reaching more people for Him than we ever could on our own. I think of my oldest son who is a missionary in the Philippines.  I feel overwhelmed when I hear of how God is using him and his wife, and the many, many people they have  brought to Him as they serve there.  I think of my teens who go out visiting with the church every week, and tell others about the Lord.  I think of my son who just got married, and is now working in a church.  What a thrill to see the outreach our family has, beyond what just my husband and I can do. 

2.  My kids have learned much in the home about getting along and serving.  I have always told my children when they were having a conflict with one of their siblings, that God put them in this family with those siblings to help them grow in character.  With several children, they have learned how to be peacemakers.  They have had many opportunities to serve and care for younger sibilings. They have learned to share. They have been taught the importance of helping in the home, and serving in love.

3.  My children have had built-in playmates, and rarely found themselves with nothing to do, or no one to play with.  The kids who weren’t as creative and imaginative, played with the kids who were.  We never spent a huge amount of money on toys for our children, but they were content with what they had.  They also learned to appreciate what they had, because they didn’t have so many material things that they just took them for granted.

4.  Having a large family has helped me grow in many ways.  I never realized, and no one ever told me, just how hard it is to be a mother!  I just pictured bringing this sweet little baby home from the hospital, and living happily ever after.   No one warned me about the sleepless nights, the intense battles of the will, the never-ending diapers, dishes, laundry, etc.  Then there was the little thing of patience, which I quickly realized was not one of my stronger character qualities. :) God knew what I needed, and through the years of parenting, He used each child’s unique personality to help me grow in certain areas of character, and to teach me to depend on Him.  (I'm still growing and learning, by the way!)

4.  Probably one of the things I love most about having several children, is the support system it gives them.  My kids may not have always gotten along like I wished, but they have a fierce loyalty and love for each other.  Some of them are married now, and some are young adults.  They encourage each other, and give support as needed. Sometimes I don’t have the words to say to one of the kids that is struggling, or they just need to hear something from someone other than Mom.  That’s when the siblings jump right in with phone calls, or texts, encouraging the sibling who may be discouraged, or going through a difficult time. It just warms my heart like nothing else, when I see this happen.  We always told our children that their siblings should be their best friends, because other friends would come and go, but their siblings would always be there for them.  I LOVE seeing how true that is for them now that they are older. 

Perhaps you only have one child, or you may have several.  The important thing to remember is that each child is a gift from God!  Embrace and enjoy the family God has given you!
 

Filed Under: blessings, blessings of large family, can't afford children, Character, chidren are a gift, depending on God, Discouragement, God provides, lack of patience, Large families, missionary son, Parenting, reaching more for God

Dealing With a Difficult Child

September 6, 2012 By 19 Comments

Do you have a “difficult” child?  We were blessed with two kids that I would say fit in that category.  By difficult child, I mean the one that causes you frustration.  He is different from your other children.  What worked for them, doesn’t work with him.  He takes more time, energy, and discipline than all your other kids put together.  Some words that may describe him:  high maintenance, angry, disagreeable, prickly, demanding, exasperating, etc.   I think most of us with a child like that tend to think that NO ONE else has a child quite like this one!  But the truth is, many other parents struggle with a child that is  a bit more “challenging” than most.  The good news is that God gave you that child, and knows exactly what you are dealing with.  He wants you to depend on Him.  In fact, He INVITES you to come to Him!  (If any man lack wisdom, let Him ask of God, who giveth to all men liberally)  How wonderful that the God who created the universe, invites us to come to Him, and seek His help.  There’s nothing like a difficult child to KEEP us begging God for wisdom!

So what do you do with this child that is so different?  What does the difficult child need?

LOTS of character training

Did you notice that most of the words that I used to describe the difficult child relate to character qualities?  I think the reason many of our “difficult” children are so exhausting to deal with, is because they have more glaring and ANNOYING character flaws than our more compliant children.  So the first thing to focus on is their character!  Of course, you know I ALWAYS stress that character training should be one of our top priorities (and definitely come before academics), but with the difficult child it is extra important!  If you don’t work on those character issues when they are young, it will be even harder as they get older.

Structure and Routine

I think that all kids function better with a routine to govern their days, but I have found that it is extremely important with the difficult ones.  For one thing, they know what each day holds, and what to expect. Therefore, there isn’t  conflict every day over what the next thing to do is.  If your children get used to being able to choose what they are doing, and when, then they are going to resent it when you “interrupt” their plans to start your school day, chores, etc.  Bad attitudes and complaining usually follow.  Since those are already issues with my difficult ones, I don’t want to open the door to that by not giving them daily structure.  (By the way, following a daily routine helps build their character!)  Once my difficult kids get used to the routine, they get upset when it is unexpectedly changed.  They feel more secure, and the conflicts are fewer,  when we are consistent with our daily routine.

Calm and Consistent Discipline
Since the difficult child tends to get in trouble often, and has that personality that can frustrate you, it’s easy to get into “angry mode” with them.  It’s easy to get resentful because of the extra time and energy they require, not to mention frequent discipline.  Since they are often angry, it definitely is important to remember that an angry parent won’t solve anything!  “A soft answer turneth away wrath.”  I think that means your anger as well as the child’s.  I have had to purposefully choose to lower my voice, and use a kind tone, when inside I just wanted to yell and let them have it!  Forcing myself to be quiet in my response, helped calm me AND the child.  Having a written list of rules and consequences helps with this.  When the difficult child breaks a rule, you calmly remind them of the rule, and say here is the consequence.  It is the same each time, and for each child.  This keeps the difficult child from feeling picked on, as they usually get in trouble WAY more often than their siblings.  They know the rules and consequences are the same for each child in the home, and that they don’t vary based on your mood that day.

Lots of Encouragement
We can’t expect our kids to please us if they don’t know what makes us happy.  We need to encourage behavior that we like, so they will repeat that behavior.  Many times we get upset at wrong actions or responses, but we have never trained them as to what we expect from them in different situations.  Difficult children needs lots of training and practice.  Show them how you want them to do something, or how you want them to act, practice it with them, and train them.  Then when you see the right behavior, make a BIG deal out of it.  Let them know how pleased you are with them.  Kids long for their parents’ approval, so praise what you want to see repeated.

Years ago when I was struggling with one of my difficult children, and feeling very frustrated, overwhelmed, guilty over my wrong responses, etc. I talked to Sheree Phillips, and she gave me three very valuable thoughts that helped me keep things in perspective about a difficult child:

1. Children who demand a lot of time are ones that can ultimately “give back” much.  Our now 14 year old son who required so much of us as a toddler, is now a tremendous source of joy and pleasure to us.  The sowing and reaping process works here:  to those we give much, we someday receive much from!  God promises results to those who “do not get weary in well doing.”  Galatians 6:9

2.  Challenging children help to provide much needed exposure of sinful attitudes in their parents’ hearts.  Our selfishness, irritability, harshness, self-pity, and unfaithfulness (in discipline and training of him) was brought to the surface as God used him to “turn up the heat” in our lives.  What a wonderful thing to know that God will use anything and anyone, even a 30 pound 3 year-old, to bring us to the end of ourselves, and remind us of how desperately we need Him!

3.  The time that seems to be “taken away” from the other children may actually be an investment into their lives!  As our older children see us skillfully, patiently and consistently training, disciplining and pouring our lives into their younger siblings, we are teaching them that people are more important than projects (chores, hobbies, etc.).  We’re demonstrating Christ-like character before them as we deal with the toddlers whining and complaining and grabbing and pouting.  We’re showing them the cost involved in parenting, and that giving up is not an option, even when we are tired.

If you have a difficult child you are dealing with, I hope these words will encourage you as they did me!

For more information and help on this topic, you can order a seminar MP3 download of my talk, “Dealing With a Difficult Child”, from our website:  http://courtshipconnection.com/audios/

For a more in depth look and more helpful tips, check out my ebook:  Dealing With A Difficult Child

 

 

Filed Under: Anger, angry child, Character, conflict with kids, consequences, consistent discipline, depending on God, difficult child, disagreeable child, discipline, Discouragement, encouraging children, exasperating child, Feeling overwhelmed, Frustrated Moms, Kids Annoying You, Mothers, Parenting, praising children, routine, routine for kids, Scheduling, structure for kids, training children, wisdom from God

When You Hit a Wall in Your Homeschooling

August 29, 2012 By 6 Comments

When was the last time you got really discouraged in your homeschooling?  Maybe you looked at your kids, and saw attitude issues, or you just felt like you weren't doing a good job handling the academics?  After I'd been homeschooling for a couple of years, I remember getting to a point where I felt discouraged, and like I'd just hit this wall, and couldn't get past it. I felt like I was failing in my efforts to balance the academics, the discipline, time with little ones, etc.   I sent an e-mail to a friend, who was a veteran home schooling mom, with lots of wisdom!  The answer she gave was just what I needed to hear!  God used her words of wisdom to help me get past that wall of discouragement, and focus on the right things.  I am going to share parts of her e-mail, because she said it all so well, and was such an encouragement to me at a time when I was struggling.  I pulled this e-mail out and re-read it MANY times over the years.  She truly hits the nail right on the head.  What an encouragement to focus on what REALLY matters!  I hope it will be an encouragement to you.

"Haven't we all hit this wall as homeschoolers?  Let me tell you how my husband and I have handled this in our own family.

First of all, we go back to "WHY" we are home educating!  For us, it is not academics.  It truly is because we believe God's Word teaches that this is God's desire for us as a family.

Abraham and Isaac are an inspiration to us in this endeavor.  God called Abraham to separate himself and his family from the evil influences of Ur and go out to a desolate place.  Abraham obeyed and didn't worry about how he was going to make a living, or compete with the world.  He merely devoted himself to God and his family. God did the rest and received the glory.

Since our goal for our children is to produce Godly servants of Almighty God, the pressure to accomplish academics is WAY behind character and knowing God's Word.  We are blessed when our children are running around with a teaching CD in their MP3s, or falling asleep in the middle of the day reading their Bibles, or loving and serving their brothers and sisters.  We consider THAT a good day!!

Richard Fugate said something at the CHEO conference a few years ago that should take the pressure off every home schooling parent in America.(Remember, he wrote the Alpha and Omega curriculum from K-12, so he knows what he's talking about.)

    "K-12 curriculum has only 4 years of academic content from the beginning to the end – everything is repeated over and over again year after year.  YOu can take a child and concentrate on Godly character for the first 12 years of his life and not teach ANY academics and then introduce reading.  You'll finish all twelve years in four years, by the time they are 16."

I personally think that the small children benefit from the one on one time that we spend with them doing their academics, but I certainly wouldn't use their accomplishments (or lack of them) to mean anything.

We spend the bulk of our "teaching" time with the littlest ones.  They need the controlled situations, the time spent, things to do to keep them out of trouble, etc.  We require the older chidren to spend time with them also, watching and protecting them and reading to them, and just being with them.

The older children are pretty much on their own academically.  What we have done to facilitate learning and a love of learning (which we think is the secret to success) – not just slogging through a curriculum) is create a library in our home.  We have bookcases everywhere – hallways, in every bedroom, bathrooms, dining room, living room, library, basement, etc.  We buy books at garage sales, GCB, etc.  We budget for books, and have them filed according to topic (Bible reference books, prophecy, biographies, parenting, suffering, purity, children's books, etc.)  Then we got rid of our TV, but do have a monitor for good teaching and children's  DVDS.  Basically, the choices our children have throughout the day are endless and since they don't have the distraction of radio or TV, all of their choices are fine with us.  They can listen to teaching CDs, read books off our shelves, work on their curriculum, help with chores or little ones, etc.

All in all, we are content knowing that we are in the center of God's will by home educating our children.  We use "peace" in our home as the gauge of a successful home schooling day, not how much we have accomplished in a curriculum.  We are confident that God has ordered our day, no matter how many distractions we have, or how many times we have had to start and stop our day.

I hope this is an encouragement to you to concentrate on character development (that includes what assignments they are given in their curriculum), and don't sweat the areas they are not gifted in.  (Math or English, for example)  Make sure their love of learning isn't squelched because of a face off with an academic subject.  As they get older, be discerning of what their interested are and really pour it on in that area.  They only have to be excellent at one thing, not mediocre in a lot of areas.  Give them a working knowledge of the rest, and also teach them how to use resources to find the answers to things they find hard to remember.  (English Handbooks for Grammar, encyclopedias for Science and History, calculators for Math,etc.)  I always remind myself that whenever I go to the doctor, and they are stumped about something I have, they excuse themselves and go into their office where all their BOOKS are, and look it up.  They are the doctor because they have the BOOKS.  They don't know everything in their heads, but they know what books to look at when they are stumped.  That is what we are teaching our children to do also.

Use God's standards as your standard for evaluating your family life.  If Jesus were to come into your home, would He be pleased?  Would His heart be blessed because everyone was loving the baby?  Would He find peace there?  Would He find a family that was devoted to His Word and His work?  Does your heart rejoice in God, your Savior, and the blessing of a houseful of His richest blessings…your children?  Contentment is the test.  Holiness, justice, mercy, grace and truth are our curriculum."

(If you are looking for resources to help you with these ideas, check our our back to school special of my FAVORITE character resources!)  Click here for more info

 

 

Filed Under: Bible, Bible reading, blessings, Character, Discouragement, Feeling overwhelmed, God's love, God's mercy, God's peace, Homeschooling, Parenting, Responsible children, Teaching children responsibility, Teaching God's Word

HOW DO I GET IT ALL DONE?!

August 22, 2012 By 8 Comments

I remember (years ago!) when I gave birth to our 2nd child.  I felt overwhelmed trying to take care of a new baby, and an active (stubborn!) toddler.  Any mother of babies and preschoolers has felt that way at times.  When you add homeschooling to the mix as the family grows, things get really busy.  Many times over the years, I struggled with frustration, because I just felt like I could never get everything done that I needed to.  My husband likes to tease and remind me that I "used" to be organized BC – before children!  The truth is, that even with being organized, it's challenging to handle the responsibilities we have as moms.  The key is realizing you CANNOT do it ALL!  You have to choose wisely, and seek God's wisdom for each day.  I love the verse in Proverbs 16:3 : "Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established."

I remember a couple of times when difficult circumstances came, and I wasn't able to keep up with the things I wanted to do, or had been doing. Discouragement led me to feel like I was a bad mom, a bad wife, and a bad Christian.  I felt like I wasn't doing a good job with the kids' education , my house was a mess, and my kids were kind of out of control.  I knew I needed to do something to change things, and get back on track, but I didn't know where to start.  There wasn't enough time to do ALL of it, and for me, doing part wasn't good enough.  It was ALL or nothing.   However,  God showed me that I needed to start somewhere, and do one thing at a time.  He also showed me that I don't have to do it ALL. I needed to seek His wisdom for my choices.  If you are feeling this way, here is a good way to begin:

1. Make a list of all the things that you are frustrated and discouraged about. For example, is it your dirty house?  Or is it that your kids are out of control, or you feel you're not spending time with God like you need to?  Write down all the things that are concerning you.

2.  Make a list of your priorities and goals.  When you first started homeschooling, what were your reasons?  What were you hoping to accomplish, and what was at the top of your priority list?

3.  Compare the two lists.  Often you will find that the things you are stressing about, or feeling discouraged about, aren't even on your list of priorities and goals.  They are just distractions. Sometimes, for example, we get SO caught up in the curriculum and school books, that we forget about teaching our children to have Godly character.  We forget about sharing our values with them.  After comparing the lists, you will have a better idea of what things you need to start trying to work on, and which ones should be at the top of the list.

Here are some ideas to help you make the most of your time, and be able to accomplish those priorities and goals:

1.  Post a list of your priorities in a place where you'll see it often, and daily do the most important thing first.  That way, even if you only get ONE thing finished, you will have done the most important thing!  For example, if you feel you have been neglecting your daily time with God & His Word, that should be one of your day's top priorities.  By the way, if you make that the first thing you do everyday, you'll find that the rest of the day will go better.

2.  Make a schedule.  Put those "essential priorities" in your schedule to make sure they happen!  Even if you have days where you can't follow your schedule because of unexpected circumstances, at least you'll be accomplishing those important things most of the time.  Your kids will also function better with a routine to guide their days.  They are happier when they know what to expect daily, and your school time will be more productive as well.

3.  Be flexible.  Yes, I just said to have a schedule, but it's important to remember that the schedule is a tool to guide you. It's not your master.  Flexibility will keep you calm when unexpected circumstances change your plans for the day.  (Like a sick child who needs to go to the doctor.) In the morning give your plans & time to God.  If He chooses to change things for you, you'll accept it better, knowing He is in control.

4.  Try to finish one task before going on to the next.  It's easy to get distracted, and start one job, then go start another one, eventually leaving you with several unfinished jobs.  It helps if you break your jobs down into smaller tasks.  For example, don't write down:  clean the kitchen.  Instead make  a list of what that involves, like wiping counters, sweeping the floor, cleaning the refrigerator, etc.  Each of those will only take a small amount of time, and can be done when you have little breaks in the day.  If I list the job as  a whole, I will put off starting it "till I have enough time" to do it all.

5.  Enlist the help of your children.  Kids actually love helping when they are young, but often we don't want to take the time to teach them to do it right.  Start when they are young with little jobs they can handle, or let them help you with something, and learn as they help you.  Teach them how to be responsible, and do a job well.  Their future spouse will thank you!  (If you want some GREAT ideas on teaching your children to learn responsible work habits,  a list to help you determine if they have good work habits, etc. check out my FAVORITE book on Child Training:  "Child Training Tips:  What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young"

6.  Be realistic in your expectations about your house.  Your house is NOT going to look like your friend's house, who has 2 kids that go to school everyday.  When you homeschool, your house is going to look like a homeschool house!  There will always be toys, books, and kids around.  Keep the house clean, and have times when everyone picks up, but don't expect your house to look like House Beautiful.  When your kids are grown, you won't look back and say "I wish I'd spent more time cleaning, instead of playing with my kids"!

7.  Make sure and schedule at least one time a week for self-renewal.  This could be simply having your husband watch the kids while you take a bubble bath, or go for a walk.  When I had little ones, my husband was very good at noticing when I needed a break.   (Not sure if it's the fact that I was pulling my hair out, or hiding in the closet when he got home!) 

He would sweetly offer to keep the kids while I went out.  Sometimes I'd go to the mall, & just walk around, and maybe do some leisurely shopping. Often  he would arrange a babysitter, and we'd go out together. Other times I would go out with a friend, who also had little ones.  It was encouraging to be able to share our struggles, ideas, and desires for training our children.    Usually after just a short time away from home and the family, I would feel refreshed and renewed.  I found that when I was feeling irritable and stressed, often it was because I needed a little time alone to renew my spirit.  (Sometimes a nap did the job, too!)

When you are feeling overwhelmed, and like you just have more to do than you can handle, take it one day at a time.  Don't look at the whole school year, but just today.  What does God want you to do today?  Seek His wisdom, and His help one day at a time.

 

Filed Under: A Good Christian, Bible reading, Character, Chidl training tips, Discouragement, Distractions of parenting, encouraging others, Feeling overwhelmed, Frustrated Moms, Getting it all done, Homeschool goals, Homeschooling, Mothers, Parenting, Responsible children, Scheduling, Self-renewal, Setting goals, Teaching children responsibility, Time Management, Time with God

I Have Been Blessed!

August 21, 2012 By 9 Comments

Today I was out running quite a few errands, that took longer than expected.  I was feeling tired and hungry, but only had a little cash, so I opted for a cheap lunch at McDonalds.  I went through the drive-through, then parked under a tree in the parking lot to eat my lunch. While I was eating, I looked over by the exit to the main road, and saw a young man standing there with a sign, asking for help.  I couldn't read it all, but I could see it said something about 2 kids.  There are people standing in that spot often, holding their signs.  At times my thoughts aren't real charitable, and I think they could surely get a job SOMEWHERE, even if it's at McDonalds, rather than standing and asking for money all day.  The truth is though, I don't know their situation. I'm sure some of them are just scamming people.  Others, I'm sure, are in a difficult spot, for whatever reason. 

Today, this young man drew my attention.  Maybe it was the fact that he was young, or maybe it was the mention of two kids.  Again, I don't know his situation, but perhaps he had a job, and things were tight for their family, and he got laid off. Maybe desperation drove him to stand there with a sign asking for money, until he could get a new job.   As I sat there eating my McDonalds food while watching him stand there,  it hit me how much I take for granted!!  I didn't bat an eye at pulling in there, and spending the last of my cash for lunch. (and not even finishing quite all of it, because I was full)  And while I sat there eating it, he was over there perhaps wondering if he would have food to feed his family that night.  God just reminded me of how blessed I am.  My husband and I don't have a lot of money, and we have to be careful how we spend it.  We aren't big spenders, and we look for good deals.  Things are usually pretty tight.  Yet I  spend money on fast food.  I drive places without thinking much about being more careful not to use too much gas. I have a husband with a good job, and a weekly paycheck.  I can go to the grocery store and buy the foods we enjoy, and enough of it.  I can drive to the store and buy clothes or other things as needed.  (I may need to look for deals, but at least I have the option of being able to go!)   I have more than I need, when I think of those families where the dad just lost his job, or was injured and can't work.  Things can change SO fast.  With one injury a job and the sure income could come to a stop.  Or, with one meeting with a boss, saying they are going to have to start laying people off.  My point is NOT that I'm going to start worrying about what COULD happen, but rather that I need to be more thankful for all I have!   I am reminded of and convicted by the quote: "What if  we woke up tomorrow with only the things we were thankful for today?" 

I'm so glad for the reminder today of God's goodness to me, and my need to be thankful!  I'm going to end this with some of the words from a song that I love: I Have Been Blessed.

If the pen of a writer could write everyday,
Even this world could never contain
How I've been blessed.

Warmth in the winter, flowers in spring
The laughter of summer, the changing of leaves
Food on my table, a good place to sleep
Clothes on my back, shoes on my feet
I have been blessed. 

Arms that can  raise, a voice that can talk
Hands that can touch, legs that can walk
Ears that will listen, eyes that can see
I've got to praise Him as long as I breathe,
I have been blessed.

I have been blessed, God's so good to me
Precious are His thoughts of you and me
No way I could count them, there's not enough time
So I'll just thank him for being so kind,
God has been good, so good
I have been blessed.

 

Filed Under: blessings, Character, Discouragement, Feeling overwhelmed, God is good, I have been blessed

DON’T HIDE THOSE TEARS!

July 28, 2012 By 2 Comments

 

Tears are a wonderful thing!  They are an overflow of what the heart is feeling, whether it be joy, sadness, comfort, or pain.  Why are we ashamed of our tears?!  Tears show that we are alive emotionally and can be touched and moved.  Church is one place where our hearts are often touched by encouraging, comforting words and songs that may bring tears, as well as convicting words that bring tears.  Certainly when we're there we shouldn't try to hide our tears!  Forget what people are thinking, and let those tears flow!  They'll bring healing to your aching heart.

I remember when I was having some physical and hormonal issues.  I felt like such a failure and was so discouraged.  Many times I sat in church and quietly wept as songs were sung of God's love for me, and of His care and understanding.  I cried through sermons of encouragement for the discouraged.  These were healing tears as God ministered to my heart and comforted me.  If I had held them back, I wouldn't have received as much healing for my heart, because I would have been hardening it.  I still cry easily in church when I hear or sing songs that are special to me, or when my heart is touched during the preaching of God's Word.  Isn't that why we go to church?  Isn't that where we receive the comfort we need, and encouragement to keep trusting God and do what's right?  We should pray that our hearts will be touched!  I'm thankful for the gift of tears, and the comfort they bring as I am ministered to.

By the way, how should we respond to someone who is crying?  First, I'll suggest something we shouldn't do!  We shouldn't make a joke about it, such as, "Has your husband been picking on you again?!"  It's better to say nothing at that time than to tease. Perhaps we could just tell them we love them, and give them an encouraging pat on the arm. But it may be even better to just go home and pray for them, or maybe send an encouraging note.  One lady did something special for me during my time of feeling so discouraged, that I'll never forget.  We had a guest singer at church, and at the end of the service he sang one last song.  Well the song he picked expressed EXACTLY what I was feeling. I put my head on my husband's shoulder and just wept.  When church was over, I went out to the car to wait for my husband.  As I sat there, a lady who had been sitting behind us came and knocked on my window.  I put it down and she handed me a note, then left.  The note told me how she had noticed my reaction to the song and could recall a time she she too felt like that.  Then she said she loved me and  would pray for me. What a thoughtful thing to do! No questions about what was wrong; no questioning looks  – just a note to let me know she could relate to my discouragement, and that she cared.

So, perhaps we ought to let people cry and later encourage them.  But, whatever we do, when we are moved to tears, we shouldn't try to hide them.  Let's let them flow!  As the song writer wrote, "Tears are a language God understands."

Filed Under: Character, Discouragement, encouraging others, Need Comfort

Time for Self-Renewal

July 25, 2012 By 3 Comments

As I've struggled with letting go of the thoughts running through my head at night recently, the Lord keeps bringing this verse to my mind:  "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  I was so busy thinking about all that I needed to do, and so busy worrying about different situations, but He kept saying, "I will give you rest."  He was offering it to me, but as in anything someone offers you, you have to be willing to take it.  I needed to let go of everything, and just take His rest, and take responsibility for my own self-renewal.  

The truth is that it's very easy as homeschooling moms to get to the point where our well is empty, and we have little to give to our family.  It's hard to keep our priorities straight, and often there just doesn't seem to be enough time to do it all, so we push ourselves.We get busy doing all kind of "good' things for our children, our husband, and serving outside of the family, that we fail to take responsibility for our own well being. Then it catches us, and we fall apart. How do you know when you're to that point?  Well, for me there were a couple of pretty obvious signs.  One was the audible sigh that came forth when my family asked me to do something for them.  It could be the simplest request, but my fatigue made it seem big to me.  The other sign was the negative thinking.  "I'm such a bad wife/mom.  My kids would have been better off in school," etc.  I had to purposely choose to replace those lies from the devil with the truth of God's Word.  He kept reminding me "Come to me, and I will give you rest.  I will renew your mind, your body, and your spirit."   He was telling me I needed to take time for self-renewal.  I had  to remember that I would be able to serve my family much more effectively (and without the sigh!), if my own well wasn't totally dry.  

If you feel like you are in "deficit living" mode, decide to make time for yourself.  This would include time for physical rest, exercise, proper eating.The most important thing would be staying in tune with the Lord.  Without staying in touch with Him, we will not be able to fulfill his plans for us daily.  We've got to spend time with Him and ask Him to direct our thoughts, and to give us the strength we need.We have to come to Him to get His rest. 

There are 3 key words to remember that will help with this:

  1. Sanctuary – find a place to clear your mind, and hear God's voice daily
  2. Spiritual sustenance – daily spend time in His Word
  3. Simplify – slow down, and focus on the things that matter in the light of eternity.

There's a poem I often read in my workshops, that sums this up so well:
 

COME TO ME
 
Busy every day, have to find my way
Always striving to be better, doing what the books all say
Meet my families needs, keep my house just right
Get up even earlier, stay up late at night
Yet in spite of all my efforts, I’m not all that I should be
So I ask You Lord, how to be my best, and you answer tenderly:
Slow down my child, come to Me alone
Shut the door, come boldly to my throne
As you stay here with me, and you listen earnestly,
You’ll become what you should be …come to me
Now it’s very clear that You want me here
Kneeling in your presence, Lord, daily drawing near
Delighting in your Word, and giving You my cares
Brings my heart and mind such peace
In this precious time we share
It’s here with You Lord, that your plans come into view
When your Word’s impressed upon my heart,
I’ll know what to do.

 

Perhaps you're not at the place of your well being dry, but I would still encourage you to start making it a habit now to make time for self-renewal.  By daily putting your priorities in order, and taking time for self-renewal, you will be able to give much more to the family that God has entrusted you to care for.  

 

Filed Under: A Good Christian, Bible, Character, Discouragement, Frustrated Moms, Homeschooling, Mothers, Parenting, Self-renewal, Time with God

A Place Only You Can Fill!

June 6, 2012 By Leave a Comment

I'm in Naperville, IL tonight for the ICHE convention, where I will be speaking over the next 3 days.  Tonight my son Mark, who is along as my helper, attended the speaker's dinner with me.  We walked into the banquet room, not seeing anyone we knew, and chose a table to sit at.  Before long, the room was filled, as well as our table.  Larry Guthrie, and Norm Wakefield were at our table, and across the room I saw Kevin Swanson and Philip Telfer.  I commented to Mark that I kind of felt like the underdog.  All these big name speakers were there, and they all knew each other; and then there was me, sitting there feeling a little bit out of place.

After our meal, introductions were made, instructions were given, and then Larry Guthrie presented an excellent devotional.  God knew just what I needed!  (Amazing how it always works that way.)  As he got up to speak, he brought out a well-known Tupperware toy.  It's one of those shape sorter balls, where each piece will only fit in the one place it is meant for.

 

He went on to say how there was only one star on there, but lots of other pieces that were just as important.  Each piece filled a hole, just like each speaker had a special place to fill, and a need to meet.  Then he had illustrations about staying focused, and being prepared before the stress comes.  I was very encouraged as God reminded me that I am here for a reason, and He wants me to stay focused, and prepare for the convention so He can use me in that place He chose for me to fill.

Afterwards I got to thinking about how much this also applies to mothers!  It's so easy to feel like what we do is unimportant, or that others are doing a better job than us.  The world would have us think that our role is small, or mundane.  But remember the saying:  The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world.  We not only have the privilege of filling the role of caring for our children's physical needs, but more importantly, their spiritual needs.  When we daily spend time teaching our kids about God and His Word, and training them in Godly character, we are investing in something of eternal value!  I can't think of too many things that are more important than that!

So next time you are feeling discouraged, or questioning whether it's really worth all the effort and energy to teach and train your children, remember that God has given YOU a unique place to fill that only YOU can fill.   No one else can do it like you, because God made you for that job!

Filed Under: Bible, Character, Discouragement, Faith, Homeschooling, Mothers, Parenting

Nobody Understands!!

April 28, 2012 By 1 Comment

Have you ever gone through a time of trials and gotten really discouraged?  Maybe you felt as if no one knew or really understood just how much you hurt.  Perhaps you were really downhearted and just needed some encouragement.  I have had many times like that, where I felt I needed some comfort and understanding. Often I would get that extra encouragement from my friends in the form of a phone call, an e-mail, or an offer to help if help was needed.  However, there have been times in my life when I felt that the Lord was the ONLY one who could really understand.  At those times I had to go to Him and let Him encourage and love me. 

There are several things that I do when I am feeling that the Lord is the only one Who understands.

1. I sing songs that bring me comfort.  A couple of my favorites are "No One Understands Like Jesus", and "Does Jesus Care"?  Often I cry as I sing them, but the tears bring healing as I think of the fact that Jesus DOES understand and care.

2.  I read God's Word and find comfort.  My favorite passage has been Psalm 139.  The Lord knows when I'm down and understands my thoughts.  He is acquainted with all my ways – all I do, say, or feel.  Every time I read this chapter I am overwhelmed with an awareness of how special I am to Him, and just how much He does understand ALL about me.  I love verse 10:  "Even there (wherever I am emotionally and physically) his hand will lead me and HOLD me."  What a comfort!  Another favorite of mine is Psalm 94:19: "In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul."

3.  I just take time to talk it all out with the Lord.  You know, it seems kind of elementary to say that, but it's something that I forget to do sometimes.  I get so busy worrying about things and trying to figure them out, that I forget to go to God with my needs.  Psalm 61:2 says, "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed."  Psalm 62:8 encourages us to pour out our heart before Him.  God is a refuge for us.  When my cares and problems burden me and weigh me down, I can just go to Him with all of those thoughts and feelings, and pour them out before Him.  After telling the Lord all about it, I don't seem quite so overwhelmed with it all, and I have more of a peace in my heart.

4.  I sit still and let God love me.  Sometimes even those who are close to us don't fully understand our feelings and needs.  But God does, and He longs to comfort us.  Often I go to the Lord and tell Him, "Lord, I need your love right now.  Hold me in your arms and comfort me."  Sometimes I sing the song "Sheltered in the arms of God".  I love to picture Him reaching out to gently shelter me in His arms, and reassure me that I'm in His care, and everything is going to be okay.

I'm so glad that in times of difficulty and trials in my life I have a Heavenly Father I can go to Who understands my needs!

Filed Under: Bible, Discouragement, Need Comfort