Choosing a Yearly Homeschool Schedule

April 16, 2013 By 9 Comments

chartsYesterday I asked the question on my Facebook page:  “What is the target date for your last day of this school year? Are you on schedule?”  I got quite a variety of responses, but a common thread throughout all the comments  was the importance of working the yearly schedule around “life”.  New babies, things not going as planned, medical issues, or just taking time off when needed were some of the answers I got regarding when their “school year” ended.  Isn’t that one of the things that makes homeschooling so great? Most states require 180 days of school per year, but you can choose the schedule that works best for your family, whether it be year round, traditional, or a combination of days/weeks on and off that meet the required days. I’m going to share some ideas of  choices you can choose from when setting up your schedule for the year.  Hopefully this will be helpful for those of you who are nearing the end of this school year, and wondering if you should work through the summer, or those who are concerned because you’re not on schedule, etc.  The information below is taken from my ebook: Charts for Stress Free Planning and Scheduling.

Choices and ideas for setting up your schedule for the year

• Thirty-six five-day weeks. (Traditional school year, though you can choose what months you want to start and end with.)

• Twelve five-day weeks, then four weeks off. (Three months of school, then a month off)

• Six five-day weeks, then two weeks off. (Six two-month blocks per school year)

• Three five-day weeks, then one week off each month. (This would be year round)

• Forty-five four-day weeks. This gives you a three-day weekend, and you are still able to take seven weeks off per year whenever you’d like them.

Even when we did the traditional school year from September – May, I found it was very beneficial to still do at least a little bit of academics in the summer months for the following reasons:

1. It’s good to keep them going on Math all through the summer, even if it’s only two or three days a week. That way when you start school back in the fall, you don’t have to spend the first few weeks reviewing all that they forgot over the summer.

2. It’s good to keep them reading and doing a little writing for the same reason. You want to keep their skills sharp.

3. It’s good to keep them used to a little bit of structure and routine. First of all, it keeps them happier if they are busy, and don’t have time to get bored. Second, it’s easier for them to get back into the school routine in the fall when they have had somewhat of a routine throughout the summer.

If you are stressing because the end of the traditional school year is drawing near, and your kids are “behind”, relax and re-adjust your schedule.  Remember, a schedule is just a tool or a plan, not your master, and you are the one in control, so there’s no need to stress.

What does your yearly “plan” look like?

Filed Under: Homeschooling, Scheduling

Looking back as a Homeschooling Parent

April 7, 2013 By 13 Comments

looking backAs parents, it’s easy to look back on our parenting years, and think:  “I wish I had…..”  It’s also fun to look back, and say “I’m glad I did…..”

After homeschooling for 28 years, and caring for and training my 8 children for 32 years, I am feeling a little sad as I realize how close I am to “the end”.  In a little over two years, my youngest child, my 16 year-old son will graduate, and more than likely leave home to go to college.  Thinking about it made me kind of introspective, and I pondered just a few things that I would do differently.

If I had it to do over:

1.  I would say yes more often.

2.  I would smile and laugh more, rather than being so intense.

3.  I wouldn’t be so idealistic, but rather strive more for realistic.

4.  I would have kept “tucking” my kids in and praying with them at night all the way into and through the teen years.

5.  I would work more on training the difficult child, rather than asking  a more compliant child  to do things to “avoid the hassle” of dealing with the difficult one.

6.  I would not compare myself to other homeschooling moms, or moms in general.

7.  I would judge my homeschooling success more on how much my children have learned wisdom, rather than on if they were “caught up” for their age/grade level.

8.  I would remember that the time I spend daily teaching, training, and caring for the children, my husband, and our home is more important than anything I didn’t accomplish on my “to do” list.

The things I am glad I did, and that I would do all over again:

1.  Homeschool all the kids all the way through grade 12.

2.  Spend a lot of time on Scripture memory, and character training with them.

3.  Give up a good paying secular job to stay home and raise my children, and spend every day with them.

4.  Correct the children with Scripture when wrong behavior was shown.

5.  Seek Godly wisdom and counsel from those who are older and wiser.

Just a few thoughts from my heart.  :)

Linking up with:

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Filed Under: Bible, Character, difficult child, disciplining wtih Scripture, Homeschooling, Parenting

Why I Love Homeschooling Parents

April 5, 2013 By Leave a Comment

I’m at the Great Homeschool Convention in Cincinnati this weekend.  I spoke yesterday on Sibling Squabbles in the Schoolroom.  Today I’m speaking on Training Character Into Your Children, and tomorrow the topic of purity.

Can I just say that I LOVE speaking at these conferences, and hope so much that I will be a blessing and encouragement to these wonderful parents.  I have been speaking at conferences for 15 years now, and each year I am reminded of how much I love these parents that I meet at them.   Here are some things that I have noticed that make me love them:

1.  Their commitment to their children.

2.  Their commitment to God.

3.  Their desire to learn and grow.

4.  Their honesty and openness about their struggles and failings. (which we ALL have!)

5.   Their encouragement to ME!

6.  Their willingness to sacrifice their time and energy to be the best parent they can be.

7.  Their perseverance when things get tough.

8.  Their courage to do what God wants them to do for their family – not what other  families are called to do.

9.  Their obvious love for their children,  and willingness to put them first in their lives for this season.

10. Their vision of raising kids that aren’t just smart, but are filled with wisdom.

Afer 28 years of homeschooling, I know the difficulties of homeschooling, but I have also seen some of the end product with my older children.  There will be times when you are weary, and discouraged, but let me encourage you to KEEP ON!  Stay committed to God, and your children, and the vision He has given you.  You WILL make it with His help, and it is SO worth it in the end.  I applaud you, and you inspire me.  Keep up the good work!

 

Filed Under: Character, Homeschooling

Stress Free Multi-level Planning

March 22, 2013 By 3 Comments

multilevelA couple of weeks ago I wrote a post called 7 Tips for Multi-level Teaching.

Today I’m going to share a few more tips from my friends on Facebook.  I asked them this question: “What would be your biggest tip for a new homeschooling mom for teaching several ages/grades?”  Here  are some of the  great responses that I got from these veteran homeschool moms:

* You can’t fail as long as they are learning something. NO ONE COVERS IT ALL.

* Do what works for YOU, not what you think you should do based on what you see OTHERS doing. God has a special plan for your family.

* Combine as many topics as you can! It makes life so much easier! In my first couple years of homeschooling, each of my four children had their own math, history, science, writing, and reading. Clearly, math can’t be combined but now almost everything else is for at least some of them!

* Laugh a lot. Pray a lot. Remember your joy.

* Relax!

* Combine what you can, relax and enjoy life! Kids minds are like sponges, just living is a huge learning experience for them. And lastly, answer their questions. If you don’t know the answer, then research it with them. Following their cues will help them to maintain what they have been taught because they actually WANT to know it.

* Train toddlers and babies to sit and play quietly for 15/20 mins so that you have time to help your older kids when needed.

* One thing at a time or you will be overwhelmed! It takes years to get a routine down and it will change with every new baby you have. Don’t worry about things you don’t cover, your kids will be fine! You can always do light school in summer if you need to catch up. You know your children and you are capable to teach them! Don’t let the public school system make you feel inadequate, you’re the best for them!

* Pray!!!!

* Pray for what God has for your family, not everyone else’s schedules!

* Pray, know your state laws, check out a homeschool support group,and think about unit studies.

* First thing in the morning I love up all my little people!! Lots of nursing, cuddles and playing. When Littles love tanks are full….lessons go soooo much better!!

* Don’t be afraid to ask! There is no point in reinventing the wheel (in most cases). Seek out godly wisdom from those that have walked down the road before you.

Aren’t those ideas helpful and encouraging?!  And now, I’d like to tell you about a new package I just put together to help homeschooling moms, called “Charts for Stress Free Planning & Scheduling”.  Not only does this include multiple charts to help you organize your homeschool, but also some practical tips and suggestions are included.  These include:  Goals of Homeschooling, Ideas for Multi-level Teaching, Ideas for Keeping Toddlers Busy, Creating Your Homeschool Schedule, How to Use the Planning Charts, and Setting a Yearly Schedule.  These are all things that helped me homeschool our 8 children over the last 28 years, and not be totally stressed about keeping up with it all!  This is available as an ebook for you to download and print, or you can buy it in printed form:  CHARTS FOR STRESS FREE PLANNING & SCHEDULING.

Filed Under: Homeschool goals, Homeschooling, multi-level teaching, Scheduling

7 Tips for Multi-Level Teaching

March 10, 2013 By 18 Comments

multilevelTeaching several children of different ages and grade levels will take some extra planning, and on some days may seem impossible, or overwhelming.  Here are some tips to make it easier for you!

1.  Remember what you are trying to accomplish.  For most of us the goal is to instill godly values in our children, and to teach them the skills they need to become productive adults.  Sometimes we get so bogged down by all the lesson plans, curriculum choices, and books that we lose site of that goal.  Don’t let academics take precedence over the goal of instilling godly values in your kids!

2.  Get organized, and schedule your day.  Your homeschool will only be as good as your ability to discipline yourself is.  Make a firm resolve to sacrifice your time and discipline yourself to give your kids the best education spiritually and academically.  Set up a schedule/routine for your days so you will be in control, rather than the circumstances or mood of the day determining what is or isn’t done.

3.  Teach as many subjects jointly as you can.  Obviously, you can’t do this with phonics and beginning math.  However, you can have Bible, Character, Science, and History together.  Adjust the requirements from each child based on their age and ability.  I might have my younger kids fill in blanks as I teach, while the older ones take notes.  Or I might assign younger ones to answer multiple choice questions showing they have learned what was taught, while the older ones will have to write a paper about it, or take a test.

4.  Teach them to be independent learners.  If you have different subjects for each child, AND you have to teach each one of them and work with  them on their subjects, you aren’t going to last.  The goal is to teach them to learn how to find answers, and learn for themselves.  You are there to answer questions, and guide them, but you shouldn’t have to sit and do all their work with them.  (Other than beginning students who are still learning phonics and early math)

5.  Take advantage of educational DVDs and software.  You can get some great DVDs for Science and History.  Your kids can watch them and learn while you are free to work with other kids, the toddlers, or fix a meal.  You can get also some fun computer games  that are educational.  We have used Quarter Mile math for their math drills instead of me doing flash cards with all the elementary kids.  For Phonics I used Alpha-phonics, in addition to our phonics lessons.  There were also some Reader Rabbit games we used,  that reinforced their reading and math skills.

6.  Limit outside activities.  Realize that you are in a season of your life that is demanding, as you juggle being a mom with also being the teacher.  If you are so busy running to extra activities all the time, you end up neglecting your priorities, as well as getting irritable from always being on the go.  Things that are important to you get neglected, and then you feel guilty.  Realize you can only do so much in a day, and choose wisely.

7.  Break activities into small time slots for your younger children, and alternate it with sit down work, and fun active things.  Take short breaks to spend time with the baby and/or toddler.  It refreshes you, and makes them feel included and loved.

In addition to these tips, probably the most important thing is that you take time to enjoy the kids!  Don’t get so busy rushing from this subject to the next one, or this child to the next one, that you fail to enjoy the time with them.  It’s easy to get so serious that we get stressed at anything that slows us down.  As a result, we get impatient with them, and miss some opportunities to just enjoy being with them, and talking to them, or listening to what they have to say.

What are some ways you balance all the responsiblities you have as you are teaching multiple children and ages?

Filed Under: Character, Feeling overwhelmed, Homeschool goals, Homeschooling, large family, multi-level teaching, routine, Scheduling

10 Things that Helped Me Through 28 Years of Homeschooling

March 4, 2013 By 47 Comments

finish lineI am over half way through my 28th year of homeschooling, and am down to just one student – my youngest son.  When he graduates in 2015, I will have completed 30 years of homeschooling!  Wow, does that make me feel old!  :)   I have had moms ask me at times how I made it through for so long, and what helped me.  So I was thinking about it the last few days, and came up with a list of things that I heard or learned over the years that made me not only stick with it, but also made it all go much smoother.

1.  Probably THE most important thing I heard in my first year of homeschooling was that CHARACTER training was more important than the academics.  Our motto verse for raising our kids has been II Peter 1:5 “...add to your faith, virtue (or character), and to character, knowledge….”

God says our first priority should be our kid’s faith – teaching them to love God, and to love His Word. Next should be their character, and then LAST on the list is the academics.  Doing things God’s way always works best, and when we kept these priorities in order, God blessed the academic time.  When I had a bad pregnancy, and remained faithful to Bible reading & memory with the kids, and a character lesson daily, often I was then unable to do the academics.  But God blessed the little I could do because of my obedience, and the kids tested very well at the end of the year.

2.  Hearing the following quote by  Richard Fugate took SO MUCH stress off of me! He said “everything our kids learn from kindergarten through grade 12, is only FOUR years of material.”  Isn’t that a helpful thing to keep in mind when we have a child struggling to learn, “keep up”, or “catch up”?!

3.  I realized that not all my kids learned the same way, or at the same speed.  It was such a surprise to me when what worked for my first child didn’t work at all with the 2nd one, who learned in a totally different way.   No one had ever told me that kids have different learning styles, and I certainly just thought they would all learn at the same speed.  As a result, I was frustrated, until I realized they all had their own learning styles, and learned different subjects at a slower or faster pace than the sibling(s) before them might have.

4. I taught my kids to be independent learners at a young age, and how to find answers.  This took so much pressure off of me, and gave me the time to work with the younger ones that weren’t able to read and work on their own yet. (By the way, kids without character won’t be independent learners.  They need character to work on their own, and be diligent.)

5.  The best planned days often don’t go as planned at all.  Once I realized how often things happen to “mess up” the plans, it helped me to be prepared to just go with the flow, and be flexible.  Kids get sick – and usually it’s on the day that you planned to get lots of school work done, then clean the house, and run errands.  Take a deep breath, and adjust your plans.

6.  Sometimes you need to put a subject, or a topic from that subject, aside and come back to it later.  Sometimes it just doesn’t click with your child, and they aren’t ready for it.  No one says that you HAVE to teach them things at a certain age or time, or in a certain order.  Scope and sequence are an invention of the school system.  We just have to make sure our kids learn what they need before they graduate.  We can set our own scope and sequence. (remind yourself of point #2)

7. When I’m in too big of a hurry to spend time with God, things start coming apart.  I realized early on that teaching and training children requires much wisdom and strength from God.  Without that time spent with Him, I would struggle with my own attitudes and spirit, which then rubbed off on the kids.   If you’re too busy to spend time with God and in His Word, you are too busy!

8.  A schedule is a GREAT idea, and a wonderful tool.  However, realistically it is much better to have a routine.  For example, when we get up we have breakfast, then everyone does their Bible reading, then we have a character lesson, then it’s time for academics.  That way everyone knows what the routine is. If you are up late as a family and want to sleep in a bit later, it doesn’t hurt anything.  You get up and follow the routine. This works better with the academics, because it’s hard to really have a set amount of time for each subject daily.  Some days Math will take 45 minutes because it’s a new topic, with lots of practice.  Other days it will be review, and only take 30.  There are also days where the child may not get it, and it will take even longer.  Knowing they aren’t confined to a certain time frame relieves stress on them and you.

9.  There will be days when you feel overwhelmed, and want to quit.  There will be days when you cry.  On those days, remember that God won’t ask you to do something you’re not able to do.  Go to Him, and seek His wisdom.  He wants you to depend on Him, and there is nothing that makes you depend on Him more than realizing  that you can not do it on your own.

10.  Don’t compare! I don’t have to do what the other homeschool families I know are doing with their kids.  I need to do what God has called my husband and I to do with our kids.  For each of it, it may look different.  Don’t try to do what every one else is doing.  It will make you crazy! :) Yep – speaking from personal experience here!

I hope these will be a help to you.  What would you add to the list – what has helped you to persevere in your homeschooling?

 

Filed Under: Character, depending on God, Feeling overwhelmed, Homeschooling, learning styles, Plans don't work, priorities, routine, stressed Mom, Time with God, wisdom from God

Homeschool 101

December 20, 2012 By 4 Comments

Today I am sharing a guest post from my friend Misty, over at Simply Helping Him.  I know you will enjoy it!  Be sure and take some time to visit her site.  You will be blessed!

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ABOUT Misty:

I am a stay at home, homeschooling, crunchy, Christian wife, and mother of two wonderful blessings. My hubby is a self employed fisherman, and a Mainah through and through, thus we live in Maine. You can find me blogging about faith, family and life experiences at Simply Helping Him

 

 

I have found that when you mention that you home school, there are two typical responses. One of which is, “Oh wow! I don’t know how you do it! Staying home 24/7 AND teaching?” or “That’s great, BUT don’t you worry about socialization?”

Sigh.

How do you respond to these statements?

First of all, you MUST breathe. LOL!

In response, to the “I don’t know how you do it”, I typically respond with a simple, “One day at a time, same as you do.”

As far as the ever popular socialization question, I point out church activities, Awana, sports, scouts, etc. I also speak of the relationships my children are able to have with adults, that they would likely not have if not home schooled.

As homeschooling, stay at home parents, often I find other parents think we have all the time in the world to make our home perfect, stay in our pj’s and read all day, and on and on the assumptions go.

How about we go through a brief “tour” of a typical day in my home?

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Each day brings it’s own added fun and difficulty, there is no perfect day. <– Truth! Share it!

 

Key Points I’ve Learned:

1. Some days a particular subject might not be done, but I’ve learned that it’s ok. Homeschooling provides the opportunity for your child to learn at their pace. If they need extra time on a particular subject or lesson, then take it!

2. Be willing to take an unplanned day off if needed. Don’t be rigid, if you or your child are not focused or are frustrated, learning will not be possible.

3. Go on a field trip, do some science experiments, have a Home Ec day, these still count as school days !

4. Don’t rush through textbooks, ensure they know the lesson before you proceed. If they do not pass the lesson, redo the lesson, dig deeper to find out what they’ve misunderstood. The first year I stressed over finishing every textbook and following a set schedule, all I ended up doing was stressing us out.

 

My children’s education at home is important, I have the opportunity to see what their strengths and weaknesses are. I can plan our future studies to cater to their needs.

 

My best advice for home school parents is this….

You don’t have to have a perfect house, or finish all your textbooks! Teach, listen and ensure they understand! Quality not quantity!

Enjoy being home 24/7. Be thankful you are able to teach your children ~ what a blessing it is!

Filed Under: Character, Homeschooling

YOUNG READERS CLASSICAL CURRICULUM CD – Heritage History

December 6, 2012 By 45 Comments

Teresa Roth, of Heritage History, is giving away 7 Young Readers Classical Curriculum CDs. ($24.99 Value)  This is an EXCELLENT resource for history!  Each Heritage Classical CD includes dozens of fully illustrated, general-interest history stories for readers of all ages. In addition to a whole library of e-books, each CD includes book descriptions and reading recommendations. The "curriculum" CD's also include timelines, historical maps and a complete study guide.  Winners can choose from all five of our curriculum CDs, as well as two library CDs.

Young Readers: The Young Readers collection is the introductory unit of the Heritage Classical Curriculum. It includes easy-to-read, introductory selections from many historical periods and provides a broad introduction to Western Culture suitable for grammar school age students. Specially featured are short stories from American, European, Ancient, and Biblical history. 86 books in all, plus a Teacher's Guide.

Ancient Greece: This curriculum covers Greek history from the days of myth and legend, through the Golden age of Athens, to the Greco-Roman Era. 46 books in all, 50 maps, and Study Guide.

Ancient Rome: This curriculum covers Roman history from the romantic early Republic to the decadent imperial era, featuring dozens of classical heroes. 45 books, 60 maps, Study Guide.

British Middle Ages: This curriculum features books that cover the 5th through 17th centuries in Europe with a special emphasis on English History. 55 books, 60 maps, Study Guide.

British Empire: This curriculum focuses on 18th and 19th century world history with an emphasis on exploration, colonial history, scientific discovery, invention, and the industrial revolution. 57 books, 50 maps, Study Guide.

Early America: This library covers United States history from the colonial days to the First World War, and features popular heroes of exploration, invention, industry, politics, and battle. 82 books.

Modern Europe: This library covers the most important events in European history from the 18th to the early 20th century. The French Revolution, the rise of Prussia, and the Bolshevik revolution are among the subjects covered. 51 books.

Check out their products HERE, and be sure to visit them on Facebook.

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Filed Under: Facebook Party, Facebook Party Prize, Homeschooling

SEVEN THINGS WE NEED TO REMEMBER – part 2

December 3, 2012 By Leave a Comment

In my last post, I talked about my memory issues, and then shared point one of Seven Things We Need to Remember.  If you missed it, you can read it here.  Today I am going to talk about the next two things we need to remember:

2.  OUR POSITION

Many times, as parents, we forget what our position is – that our children have been entrusted to us by God.  They belong to Him, but He gave them into our care.  Some things that are important to keep in mind regarding this stewardship responsibility:

1.  By God's design and plan, we are the authority.

Many times we want to be their friend, or want them to like us and be happy with us, so we fail to exercise the authority that God has given us.  We should strive to keep their hearts, and have a good relationship with them, but it's important to keep the right balance, and maintain their respect for us and the authority God has given us. 

"Your educational background is not important (you can learn along with them) nor is your lack of experience (you have taught them for years!), but your ability to casue your children to obey is essential.  Every child has a human nature which is self-centered and must be restrained by his parents.  This nature will interefere with effective homeschooling through laziness, rebellion, or willfulness.  Parents will need to identify these negative character traits and then to control them by the proper use of their authority.  The teaching facet of child training is really the easiest part.  A child who is under control can be taught anything, from any curriculum, with any method."     - Richard Fugate

2.  We must bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  (Ephesians 6:4)

The word for nurture in the Greek has the thought of curbing impulse and desire, and subordinating them to what ought to be done.  Or in other words, it means self-discipline.  Much of our position as parents involves teaching our children self-discipline, and character.  If you are homeschooling, it is important to remember that one of the keys to education is self-discipline. 

"A major key to education is self-discipline.  Discipline is important int he matter of proper behavior so that attention is held.  More importantly, the imposing of discipline, and ultimately self-discipline, upon the mind is a secret to ongoing education.  Our job is to help our children develop discipline and self-control."

3. Perseverance (to persist in or remain constant to a purpose, an idea, or a task in the face of obstacles or discouragement)

"Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverence and supplication."  Eph. 6:18

Discouragement will come in your parenting, and homeschooling.  It just goes with the territory.  Sometimes we are just tired.  At those times, it's very important to go back to your goals and purpose. 

When your perseverance is waning, claim I Peter 5:7,8  "Casting all your care upon Him for He careth for you.  Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about seeking whom he may devour."

Remember, Satan NEVER quits seeking to devour us or our children.  He is always on the lookout to destroy us and if we quit persevering, we are giving him an open door to do that.

CONTINUED……..

 

 

Filed Under: Character, fatigue, Homeschooling, obedience, parental authority, Parenting, perseverance, Purpose in parenting, stewardship of parents, Winning Kids' Hearts

SEVEN THINGS WE NEED TO REMEMBER

November 30, 2012 By 14 Comments

I admit it – I am starting (or continuing) to have some memory issues, or senior moments!  I know the problem.  It really has NOTHING to do with old age, and EVERYTHING to do with how many children I have.  With each child I've had, I have lost a little bit more of my memory.  Since I have EIGHT kids, it would make sense that my memory isn't functioning, right?!  "I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children."  (Have you seen that ecard? It's SO true!) 

I could tell some pretty good stories about my moments of forgetfulness, but instead I'll get to the point of this.  smiley

When we start our parenting journey, and/or homeschooling, we have a vision and are usually excited and passionate about it.  With homeschooling, often over time we get overwhelmed with all the curriculum choices; all parents struggle with schedule decisions, what outside activities to be involved in, etc.  It's a common thing to get overwhelmed, discouraged, or totally off track from where we started. The key to dealing with the discouragement, and feeling overwhelmed is recognizing what we have forgotten. I'm going to share seven things that I tended to forget at times over the years of parenting and homeschooling.

SEVEN THINGS WE NEED TO REMEMBER

1.  OUR PURPOSE

Purpose is defined as an aim or a goal; an intention.  What are your parenting goals?  If you homeschool, what was your purpose?  Here are some of the most common purposes or goals we probably all share:

*We realize we are ultimately responsible and accountable for child training and instruction.  (Deuteronomy 6)

*We are seeking to train not just the mind, but also the heart and sould.  True education integrates faith in Jesus Christ with the content of learning.

*We desire to bond with our children, and keep their hearts.

*We want to teach kids our values, and help keep them pure. 

I'm sure you have many other goals and purposes, but the key thing is as Christian parents, we MUST have an active purpose and philosophy of teaching and training our children.

"The emphasis throughout the Word of God is to train our children from their infancy to serve the Lord; to train them on purpose to be righteous; to train them specifically to be godly; to particularly train them to be disciplined; to train them to do the things they ought to do; to train them to walk in the spirit.  The goal of every Christian parent ought to be that his children grow up to be godly, not just good."   (From the book by Dave Sorenson: TRAINING OUR CHILDREN TO TURN OUT RIGHT.)

Now that is something that I need to remember!

TO BE CONTINUED……..

 

Filed Under: children serving God, children walk in truth, Developing relationship with children, Discouragement, Faith, Feeling overwhelmed, frustrated mom, Homeschool goals, Homeschooling, Parenting, Purity, Purpose in parenting, Purpose of homeschooling, Reaing Godly children

Achieving Balance in 3 Key Areas

November 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

 

In my last two posts, I talked about 5 things that lead to burnout.  You can read those here:

5 Causes of Burnout – part 1

5 Causes of burnout – part 2

Today I'm going to share some thoughts on how to achieve balance.  In my post  "Are You Suffering From Burnout?", I mentioned that balance begins with accepting your limitations.  Realizing and accepting the fact that you can't do everything will go a long way towards keeping you balanced. 

I want to talk about the 3 areas where balance is needed.

1.  Spiritual

Keeping in tune with the Lord is so important, because if we don't keep close to Him, we aren't able to do His work in our daily duties.  We need to seek God daily for His guidance.  This means making and taking time every day to spend in His Word, and in prayer.  It's easy to get busy trying to do all the "right" things, and like Martha, neglect the most important thing – spending time with God. 

There's a poem, written by a homeschooling mom, that says it very well:

Come to Me

Busy every day, have to find my way

Always striving to be better, doing what the books all say

Meet my family's needs, keep my house just right

Get up even earlier, stay up late at night

Yet in spite of all my efforts, I'm not all that I should be

So I ask You, Lord, how to be my best, and you answer tenderly:

"Slow down my child, come to Me alone

Shut the door, come boldly to my throne

AS you stay here with me, and you listen earnestly,

You'll become what you should be – come to Me.

Now it's very clear that You want me here

kneeling in your presence, Lord, daily drawing near

Delighting in your word, and giving you my cares

Brings my heart and mind such peace

In this precious time we share

It's here with You Lord, that your plans come into view

When your Word's impressed upon my heart

I'll know what to do."

2.  Physical

Many times moms will get so busy trying to care for their children and home,  and their children's education,  that they tend to quit taking time to care for themselves.  Things like getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and exercising are usually the first things to go when the schedule gets too demanding.  The problem is that it will catch up to you, and then you won't be able to do any of those things that are keeping you so busy.  Make time to care for yourself.  If you are feeling overwhelmed, or exhausted, you need to slow down.  Listen to your body.  Maybe you need to take a day or two off from the academics, and get some needed rest,  or find an easier curriculum that doesn't require as much time. Do what you need to in order to care for yourself!

If you are feeling exhausted, and physically burned out, let it draw you closer to God. 

"In my own life, God has used seasons of burnout to draw me closer to Him.  He has arranged circumstances, through illness or exhaustion, in which I have been forced to take the time to renew my walk with Him.  Some of my sweetest times of fellowship with Jesus have been times when I've been forced to rest and read Scripture to knit both my health and my heart back to wholeness.  Burnout requried me to surrender to God, to relinquish my own efforts, and admit my total dependence on Him."   – Christine Field

3.  Emotional and social

Most homeschooling moms need more support – not more activities!  Make sure you allow time for friends, time out with your husband, and fellowship with other moms who are in the same situation as you.  FInd someone you can share your heart with, that will encourage you, and pray for you. 

Paul Chappell gives our 4 principles to help us find balance, and use  time wisely:

1.  Realize what God has given you is sustainable.  God knows the number of our days here on earth, and He knows we can accomplish His purpose in His time frame.

2.  Be sure to take time to rest.  Time spent for God is never wasted time, but we must be careful to not get "weary in well doing."

3. Opportunity doesn not equal obligation.  Life will present you with many great opportunities, but remember to seek God's face in every decision.We need God's wisdom to help us discern between good, better, and best.

4.  Identify and focus on a few things.  By identifying exactly what God wanst you to accomplish each day, you can focus on your goal and work wholeheartedly on each task."

What are you doing to achieve balance in your life?

Filed Under: Accept Limitations, burnout, depending on God, fatigue, fatigued homeschool mom, Feeling overwhelmed, Homeschooling, Mothers, Parenting, Pray for wisdom, priorities, Self-renewal, Slow Down, Time with God, wisdom from God

5 Causes of Burnout – Part 2

November 16, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Yesterday I talked about the first two causes of burnout:

1.  Busyness

2.  Comparison.

If you missed it, you can read it here: 5 Causes of Burnout.

Today I will talk about the next three things that often lead to burnout.

3.  Disorganization

God is a God of order.

"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace."  I Corinthians 14:33

"Let all things be done decently and in order."  I Corinthians 14:40

Taking time to organize a schedule, your household chores, and the use of your time may mean the difference between making it as a homeschooler, or giving up and quitting.  A schedule will help you prioritize, so as to accomplish the things that matter.  It will help you stay focused, and it relieves the stress of having to make daily decisions.  Just remember that orderliness isn't the same as inflexibility.  You can have a schedule as a tool – don't let it be your master though.

When your home is reasonably order, and daily chores are done, it will be easier to focus on the other things that need to be done.  Also, your children will know what to expect each day, and will function better when there is a routine to guide them daily. 

Keep in mind that there is no "ideal" schedule for every family.  The plans will vary from family to family, and even in your home it will vary as circumstances change.  (New baby, new student, etc) 

Some tips for scheduling:

*Rather than exact time frames, have a routine.  For example, in our home the daily schedule looked like this:

     Breakfast

     Personal Bible reading for all who are able (Picture Proverbs for the younger ones to watch/listen to – see testmonials for this)

     Bible and character lesson – Mom and all kids

     BIg block of time for academics

     Lunch break

     Finish academics if needed

     Everyone does their designated chores

*Teach as many subjects together as you can, with all the children. (Things like Bible/character, Geography/history, Science, and Phys. Ed)

*Schedule a time within the academic block for Mom to work with each child, as needed.  While she is doing that, the others work on whatever they are able to do on their own. 

*Have daily school charts for each child to mark, that include chores. No free time till everything on their chart is done for the day.

*Plan any outside activities around your homeschooling.  Try to save the errands until after the schedule for the day is finished.  (Or, you can schedule your school year so you have a four day week, and use the fifth day for finishing up anything left to complete, and for errands.

*Be realistic about your housekeeping standards when you make the job lists for the kids.  Realize they may not clean some areas as well as you do, but it is taking work off your shoulders, and teaching them how to do their part.  Work with the younger ones when you give them new jobs, and teach them how to do it right, and to the best of their ability.

4.  Out of Control Children

I mentioned this in my post 7 Causes of Frustration in Parenting, but I am going to mention it here again, because it is SO important! Children need to be taken from parent control, to self-control, to God control.  That is the big picture to try to keep in mind as you are training them.  If your children don't obey you, or are out of control, you will have a hard time teaching.  You will soon be frustrated, and overwhelmed with the effort.  So remember that your first job is to teach them to obey.  That's what God calls us to do as parents, and He calls the children to obey and honor us. 
As you work on this, and other behavior issues with the kids, focus on what is going on in their heart.  Don't just deal with the disobedience, but ask what  heart attitude is causing that disobedience. 

"Be careful not to teach your children to clean up their behavior only to cover a decaying heart. 

When you see behavior problems, recognize that something deeper is going on.  Target your discipline for the heart, because when the heart changes, kids make lasting adjustments in their lives.  Jesus told the Pharisees how they could change:  "You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence….First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean."     -From Parenting is Heart Work

Focusing on the heart issues will bring to light areas of character that need to be worked on.  For example, when you see pride in their heart, work on the character quality of humility.  When untruthfulness is revealed, work on the charcter quality of integrity and honesty.  Character training is an on-going process during our parenting years, and something we need to keep high on our priority list. 

5.  Fatigue

"Our energy bank is like a pendulum.  We can be passionate at one end, but risk bottoming out at the other swing of the pendulum.  To avoid that, we have to do things to nurture ourselves so that we don't burn out.  This is contrary to what others are teaching about selflessness, but I find as I get older that I need to be a little more self-nurturing.  I've also seen too many moms who are burning out for homeschooling because they think they have to."   - Christine Field

Many moms who make the choice to homeschool their children tend to neglect caring for themselves.  I used to see a Christian naturopathic doctor, and he told me that all the homeschool mothers that came to him for treatment, were worn out.  If you are struggling with fatigue, check how you are doing with getting enough rest, eating properly, and caring for your body.  It's normal for a busy mom  to be tired at the end of the day, but if you are waking up tired every day, then it's probably time to slow down, and take care of yourself. 

Know your limits, and listen to your body.  I learned this the hard way, and now I am much more in tune with my body.  I can tell when it's time for me to slow down, and get some extra rest.  I have found that it's much easier for me to be patient with my kids, and to speak kindly to them, when I'm not exhausted. 

If you're at the point of needing to slow down, don't feel guilty about it.  Do what you need to do to get better.  That may mean not doing as much school work for a time, or just focusing on the basics temporarily.  Perhaps it's time to find an easier curriculum that doesn't require as much from you.  When I was going through a time of chronic fatigue, and still had high school students, and needy elementary students, I had my older kids use the ACE curriculum.  It's a self-teaching curriculum, which required very little help from me.  This freed me up to work with the younger ones, while not having to worry about the high schoolers getting what they needed.  I have also used a tutor from the Christian school at our church when I needed it.  If a subject is too challenging for you, or your child really struggles and needs extra help, find someone to help you.

Once you know the cause of burnout, you can be careful and try to avoid them. What are you doing to guard against burnout?

*In my next post, I will talk about how to achieve the balance you need to continue to avoid burnout.

Filed Under: balance, burnout, Character, fatigue, fatigued homeschool mom, frustrated mom, Heart issues, Homeschooling, irritable Mom, Mothers, obedience, priorities, routine for kids, Scheduling, Slow Down Tagged With:

Winning Your Children’s Hearts – Part 3

October 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

WINNING YOUR CHILDREN'S HEARTS – Part 3

In Winning the Heart of Your Children Part 1, I shared WHY it's so important that we have their hearts, and the first 4 ways we can win their hearts.

In Winning the Heart of Your Children Part 2, I shared 4 more things we can do to win their hearts.

Today, I'd like to look at the negative side of it.  What are some mistakes we often make that can cause our children to turn their hearts from us?

1.  We strive to LOOK right, but fail to emphasize the heart issues that are important.

If you look at the way you discipline, often you may discover that you spend much of your time on changing their  behavior, or doing the right thing. The problem with this is that  their heart isn't touched, and God is concerned with the heart. 

From the book Parenting is Heart Work:

The greatest parenting tip we can share wtih you is this:   maintain a strong connection to your heavenly father.  He offers spiritual guidance and direction to help you work through your own heart issues so you can become efective with your children.  Ask God to show you the real issues your son or daughter is facing, then PRAY."

2.  We strive to keep our kids from the wrong, while failing to befriend them ourselves.

In order to develop a relationship with our children, we MUSt spend time with them!  It's not enough to protect them from the wrong influences, people, or activities.  We have to fill that void, by spending time with them.  We need to make that a PRIORITY!  Unfortunately, it's not something we can always do on our own time table either.  I think it's important to allow time in your schedule daily just to spend time with your kids, but I have found that often they need my attention, or a listening ear at times when I'm busy with something else.  Nothing is more important though than being there when they want to talk.  They open up on their schedule, not when you are ready to listen, and say "Hey, what's on your hear that you want to talk about?  I've got 15 minutes."  If you are available to listen, or just be there for them when they're going through a difficult time, as they share their emotions with you it will create a bond.  They then are more willing to hear you out, because they know you care.  The key is availability!  But it is also very helpful to just include them in your cooking, cleaning, errands, etc.

3.  We strive for compliance, and forget the relationship that will bring compliance.  I mentioned this recently in my post "Homeschooling:  If I Had it To Do Over", but it's so important that I can't leave it out when talking about keeping our children's hearts.  It's easy in our efforts to raise good children, and require obedience, to become harsh in our effort to be firm.  That harshness, and/or anger, is something that will quickly destroy the relationship you have with your children.  Harshness and anger damage relationships!  It's much, much better to appeal to our children on the basis of love, rather than using fear of our anger to get them to do what they should.

In the booklet Solving the Crisis in Homeschooling, it talks about this very thing, and says it SO well:

"What we didn't realize was that there is a great difference between intimidating children into subjection and winning their hearts into submission.  Intimidating children into subjection merely gains outward compliance.  Having their hearts means gaining greater opportunity to influence their values."

It's so important to also remember that anger doesn't address the issue of the heart, and confuses the learning process.  the child is focusing more on avoiding your anger, than changing their heart.  Dr. S.M. Davis counsels many Christian parents who are struggling with their children, and has made the observation that when there is rebellion in a young person, there is almost always anger in one or both of the parents.  The anger causes the parent to lose the child's heart, and over time they rebel. 

(If anger is an issue you struggle with, as many parents have told me they do, I would highly encourage you to get our CD or DVD by Dr. Davis called "Freedom From the Spirit of Anger", or our book "Good and Angry:  Exchanging Frustration for Character".  Both of these resources have excellent practical tips to help you deal with your anger, rather than let it continue, and hurt your family.)

 

 

Filed Under: Anger, broken relationships, Character, compliance, damaged relationships, depending on God, Developing relationship with children, harsh parenting, Heart issues, Homeschooling, Mothers, Parenting, Spending time with kids, Winning Kids' Hearts, wisdom from God

How Do You DO It With EIGHT Kids?! (And Tuesday LINK-UP Party!)

October 8, 2012 By 16 Comments

"You have EIGHT children?"  How do you do it?  I only have two, and it's all I can do to keep my sanity!"

I have heard comments like that more times than I can count!  People are just SHOCKED that I have eight children, and homeschool them as well. I always reply to their comments with "It's not always easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world!"  Yes, raising and teaching children is a tremendous challenge and responsibility. It takes time, patience, discipline, and the willingness to sacrifice.  But it is also the most rewarding task ever.  Some days the noise and confusion gets to me, and I feel like I'm going to go insane.  However, at the end of the day when I look back, I realize how blessed I am to be part of such a wonderful, crazy family!

I'd like to just share a few things that have helped me through the years.  I don't claim to be an expert in parenting or homeschooling, but the Lord has taught me a few things over the years of parenting and homeschooling our kids – and I've learned a few things the hard way too!  :)

1.  Prepare your heart each day for your children.
It's so important to have the right approach and attitude.  If you start your day dreading what is about to come, you're off to a bad start.  I know there were days when I prayed that God would give me a special love for that difficult child, that enabled me to greet him/her warmly in the morning, rather than thinking "Ugh.  Why are you up already?!"  I try to prepare myself mentally by acknowledging that there will probably be some attitudes to deal with, or fighting and arguing.  There will more than likely be messes to clean up, and lots of questions to answer.  I ask God, in advance,   to give me the wisdom I need, as well as the patience and love I need for each child that day.  I ask him to help me to respond right.  I don't want to be short and snappy in my replies, or "bothered" by their requests.  I want them to see God's love and joy shining through me.  My goal is to set an example that will cause them to love the Lord more.  It starts in my heart, and I have to prepare my heart by seeking God in prayer, and through His Word.

2.  Put your children and their needs first.  (Not before your husband though!)
Parenting requires sacrifice.  It means I have to be willing to put down that book I really want to read, and spend time with the kids.  I may not be able to stay on the computer as long as I'd like, and read all those wonderful blogs, or check in on Facebook.  Many of the things that I enjoy doing have been put on hold, or pushed aside for awhile.  I only have so many years to spend with my kids – those other things can wait.  The joy of watching the little ones learn, or the smile on their face when you agree to read to them,or play with them is SO worth the "sacrifice".  (I have learned though that I still need to schedule a little time for self-renewal.  However, it is a planned thing, and doesn't take me from them at the wrong times.)  By the way, the sacrifice also may mean going without some of those "extras" that two income families have. My husband and I talked about this, and decided we would rather do without some things, and allow me to stay home to teach, train, and enjoy the children.  Not everyone can do that, and I'm very glad I've had that privilege!

3.  Schedule your time so you won't be continually stressed.
Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to clean, prepare the school lessons, cook the meals, etc. that I have no time to stop and just enjoy the children. Often I end up fatigued, and irritable – not much fun to be around.  Recently I was feeling stressed with all the things I had to do, as well as the things I felt I was neglecting.  So I made a list of 5 things to put time for in my daily schedule.  My list included time for: God and His Word,
self-renewal (physical and emotional), housework/meal prep, school, family, and business.  It didn't seem as overwhelming to me when I broke it down like this, and yet I was able to cover the important areas each day. Even if I wasn't able to give all of them as much time as I wanted to, it was better than days of totally skipping some of them.  Your list may have different things on it than mine, but I would encourage you to list your priorities, then schedule them.  You don't want to stay so busy working that you don't take time to enjoy the process.  Kids grow up too fast, and these days will be over.  Enjoy the time you have with them, whether it's teaching time, working together, or playing together.  (See my previous post with the song "Please Take Time".) 

4.  Remember that parenting is a stewardship that you will answer to God for.
These precious children actually belong to God, and I only have them for about 18 years to prepare them to be what God wants them to be.  No one else can do what I can for my children as their mother.  I must remember that, and not neglect the responsibility I have.  I also can't try to do it on my own.  I MUST seek God for wisdom and strength!  Each child is so different, and has different needs.  I need God's help as I try to meet those needs, and prepare each of my precious children to grow up prepared to do what God has planned for them.  Of course, my biggest goal would be to give them a heart for God, so they will not only be prepared, but also WILLING to do what God has planned for them.

I don't ever want to get in the mind set that my children are a burden or a bother, when God says they are a blessing.  I want to do my best to raise Godly children for Him. Some days may be rough, but what an awesome privilege God has given us as mothers.  Never forget the saying: "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world."  If we don't rear godly children, who will?

 

TUESDAY LINK-UP PARTY!!

We would love for you to link up with us—share your posts on  homeschooling, homemaking, character, or parenting.  We would love to have you share it with us!

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Filed Under: Bible reading, blessings, blessings of large family, Character, chidren are a gift, Frustrated Moms, Homeschooling, irritable Mom, Large families, Mothers, Parenting, Preparing mind for the day, Putting children first, Putting Kids First, Reaing Godly children, right thinking, Scheduling, stewardship of parents, stressed Mom, wisdom from God

Bloggers – NEW Link-Up Party!

October 8, 2012 By 2 Comments

If you are a blogger, I'd like to invite you to join in our first  link-up party!  Let's have a good time getting to know other bloggers, and encouraging each other.  I look forward to "meeting" many of you through this link-up!

You are welcome to link posts about:  homeschooling, homemaking, character, or parenting.

Since this is our first link-up party, please help get the word out by sharing this with your fellow blogging friends.  :)

http://courtshipconnection.com/?p=1912

Hope to see you! 

Kathie

 

Filed Under: Character, Homemaking, Homeschooling, Parenting

Who Has TIME To Be Spiritual?!

October 6, 2012 By 16 Comments

As a busy homeschooling mom, with eight kids, there have been MANY times that I have felt like I just wasn't very spiritual.  I went to church, as always, but during the week it was easy to get so caught up in all the daily demands, that at night I would fall into bed exhausted.  At that point, I would remember, I never had my quiet time alone with God today!  Then I would hear a sermon about spending time reading chapters of your Bible daily, or spending hours in prayer, and the guilt would begin.  I would start to think that I wasn't a very good Christian at all, and I was far from being the spiritual person I once was.  (before children)  When the pastor preached a sermon about the importance of serving God, and being involved in ministry, I felt like a failure.  I was no longer able to be involved in all the ministries that I once loved being part of in church.  After the service, I went to my pastor and mentioned my feelings to him.  He very wisely reminded me that taking care of my family and home IS my ministry.  He said, "Don't you EVER feel like you're not serving God, when you spend everyday teaching, training, and caring for your family.  That is what God has called you to do."  In my heart, I knew that.  However, it was good to hear it from him, and have that reinforced in my mind.  It's so easy to look at how things "used to be" before we had kids.  We may have been able to spend an hour or two a day in Bible reading, prayer, and Bible memory.  Time alone with God each morning was the normal thing – a habit – you never missed.  I believe it is still very important as moms to make sure we spend time with God, and in His Word.  However, the "alone" part might be a bit more difficult.  That's when it is time to come up with creative ideas to "stay spiritual" throughout the day.  Here are some things that I have done over the years that helped me in this area.

1.  Start the day off by singing a Scripture song with the kids before you eat breakfast.
This was SO helpful for me!  I don't always wake up fast, and definitely not in a cheerful mood.  Kids, on the other hand, are wide awake and ready to go!  Singing a Scripture song helps my spirit, and prepares me for the day.  It also continues to help throughout the day, as the words of the song go through my mind.  One day I was in a grumbly mood when doing the dishes, and the song came to mind that we had just sung a couple hours before:  "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God."  It’s hard to keep a bad attitude with those words running through your mind!

2.  Have Bible time right after breakfast. We will read a few verses or a chapter together, and talk briefly about what it means and how to appy it to our lives.  I need this time to get some of God’s Word into my heart and mind for the day, and by doing this with the kids every day, it’s showing them that this is something important.  We also have a short time of prayer to ask God’s wisdom and help for that day.  After this, I always have my older kids go to their rooms or a quiet place, and have their own quiet time with the Lord.  This is a habit I want them to develop, and make a top priority in their lives.

3.  Use God’s Word to discipline and correct your children throughout the day.  It’s so easy to get frustrated when our children are having bad attitudes, or showing wrong behavior.  We look at it as an interruption, as we are busy trying to get through the school lessons for the day.  Instead of looking at it as interruption though, we should look at it as an opportunity!  It’s a chance for us take them to God’s Word, and show them what God says about that behavior, and give them Bible answers to their struggles.  It's important to approach this with the right spirit.  You don’t want your kids to come to dislike the Bible, because you’re always “hitting them over the head with it.”  We approached it with the words “We know how much you love God, and want to please Him.  When you acted like that (or did/said that), God wasn’t pleased.  Let’s go to His Word, and see what He says that will help you.”  Then be sure and pray with them about it afterwards, and encourage them that with God’s help they can do better.

There are 2 benefits to disciplining with Scripture.  One is the benefit to you, as you continually are exposed to God’s Word throughout the day. If you have been blessed with a difficult child, just think HOW many times a day you get to go to God’s Word!!  Secondly, it keeps you calm in your discipline when you approach it this way.   It’s hard to stay angry when you are talking to your kids about pleasing God, and reading the Bible to/with them!

Now if you’re like me, and struggle with your memory, maybe you’re wondering how you will ever come up with the right verses every time you need them.  My favorite resource for years has been our book “Proverbs for Parenting”.  When there is an issue to deal with, I just turn to the index of the book, find that topic, then turn to the section that has all the verses in Proverbs that relate to it. (The section we use the most:  Control of Mouth!) It makes it easy for me to always be able to use Scripture, and not respond with the usual scolding, or my own “words of wisdom”.  God’s Word has so much more power than our words, and I have seen how effective it is when I use it with the kids.  The difficult children especially seem to respond well, and I will notice their countenance soften, and their eyes fill with tears, as God’s word brings conviction.

4.  Listen to good music throughout the day.  Having hymns and Godly music playing does so much for your spirit, and will help you feel closer to God.  I have found that even playing Patch the Pirate cds for the kids helps me!  The music on them is very uplifting, and helps me to keep a song in my heart.  Another thing I've done with music, is have a little "praise time" with the kids.  I may not have time to spend alone praising God daily, but I can have a time with the kids where we sing praise on their level. We sing little choruses like:  "My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty", "I Love You Lord", and "Praise Him, praise Him, all ye little children".  It's amazing what singing these little songs of praise will do for you, as you focus on God's greatness! 

These are just a few of the things that have helped me keep my mind a little more focused on the Lord throughout the busy, hectic days.  Don’t despair if you find it difficult to have a “quiet time ALONE” with God.  Take advantage of the opportunities you have during the day with your kids, to include God and His word, and you will be surprised at how it will make you feel closer to God daily!

 

*If you are interested in Patch the Pirate CDs or Proverbs for Parenting, you can find them in our character store:  http://courtshipconnection.com/character/

Filed Under: A Good Christian, Bible, Bible reading, Character, disciplining wtih Scripture, Faith, Homeschooling, hymns, Mothers, Parenting, Sing Scripture, time for Bible reading, Time for Praise, time for prayer, Time with God

Homeschooling – If I Had It To Do Over…..

September 23, 2012 By 36 Comments

As I started this 28th year of homeschooling, I was thinking back over the years, and the things my husband and I have learned; the changes we have made.  It's a journey I would do all over again, but there are a few things I would change if I had it to do over.  I'm going to share 3 things that I would do differently if I started all over again:

1.  I would take better care of myself.
As a young mom, I was able to get away with staying up late, getting up during the night with babies, and getting up early with the toddlers.  I was tired, as all busy moms are, but I was able to do what I needed to each day.  I didn't exercise regularly, because I didn't feel I had the time.  There were always better or more important things to do.  Eventually, it all began to catch up with me though.  I hit a spot where I started to struggle physically, and ended up with chronic fatigue, and stressed adrenals. I was burned out – physically, emotionally, and mentally.  At that point I realized that I HAD to take time for self-renewal.  I needed to adjust things so I could get the rest I needed.   This required making some changes in our activities, and I had to pretty much stop all outside activities.  I also started to take a break now and then with some friends.  It's amazing what a little time away, laughing with some like-minded moms, will do for you! Laughter is a good medicine. As I took those steps, it helped me improve mentally, and have clearer, more focused thinking, and well as more positive thoughts.  Fatigue will always lead to negative thoughts, such as:  "I'm not doing a good job – my kids would be better off in school", I'm such a bad Mom – I never have energy to play with the kids", "I can't handle this anymore", etc. Everything seems worse when you are fatigued.   If I am burned out and can't function, I will lose my ability to do what God has called me to do.  I wish I hadn't had to learn that the hard way!

2.  I would stress much less about WHEN a child "got" it with reading, or math.  I would focus on making learning fun, and waiting till they were ready.  For each child that readiness comes at different ages.  They also learn in different ways.  If I had known that when I first started teaching the kids, it would have saved me many hours of tears and frustration. (mine and the kids!)  I want my kids to enjoy learning, but  if I keep pushing them when they aren't ready and don't get it, they will dislike learning.  Also, if I use a curriculum that doesn't work with their learning style, it will be much more frustrating for both of us.   Overtime I realized that it doesn't hurt to take a break from from the phonics, or new math concept if they just aren't quite ready for it yet. It's better to put it aside for a time, do some learning games that aren't intense, and then try the subject again a few weeks later.

3.  I would focus less on making sure the rules were being obeyed, and more on building the relationship that would make them WANT to obey those rules!  Rules are necessary, but as the saying goes, "Rules without relationship breed rebellion."  It was easy to strive for compliance while forgetting the relationship that would bring that compliance. In our effort to be good parents, we would often be too harsh in our effort to be firm, and we found that resulted in damaged relationships. We learned that  it worked much better when we appealed to our children on the basis of love, rather than intimidation.  A similar error was that we tried to protect them from wrong -wrong activities, wrong influences, wrong friendships – while failing to befriend them the way we should ourselves.  In order to develop that relationship that would bring compliance, we needed to spend time with them.  We needed to be available when they wanted to talk, and we needed to show an interest in what was important to them.  We needed to accept them for who they were, and let them know we loved them.  That in turn leads to winning their hearts, which brings the desire for them to please us. We learned that it is better to work hard at keeping their hearts, than having to try to repair damage and win their heart back.  (By the way, I believe that keeping our childrens' hearts is the most important thing we can do as parents!)

There are many other things my husband and I have learned along the way, but these three stand out above the rest.  I hope they will be a help to you on your homeschooling journey! 

Filed Under: burnout, compliance, damaged relationships, fatigue, fatigued homeschool mom, frustrated mom, Homeschooling, learning styles, Mothers, negative thoughts, obedience, Parenting, rebellion, rules, Self-renewal, stressed Mom, struggles with academics, training children, Winning Kids' Hearts

7 Causes of Frustration in Parenting – Part 2

September 21, 2012 By Leave a Comment

7 Causes of Frustration in Parenting – Part 2

Yesterday we talked about the first three causes of frustration in parenting: arguing and sibling squabbles, no sense of accomplishment, and lack of character in your children.  Click here to read Part 1.

4.  Out of Control Children
Children need to be taken from parent control, to self-control, to God control.   That's the big picture to keep in mind.  This goes back to the character issue, and  results when kids haven't learned the character quality of obedience.  If your children haven't learned to obey you, and are out of control, you will be constantly frustrated, and trying to teach them anything academically will be very stressful.  Every day you will fight the battle of the will.  Your children need to learn to listen and obey the first time they are told, without question.  We  taught our children that obedience is doing what you're told with a happy spirit, or with a smile.    I love the words of the Patch the Pirate song, "I Will Obey Right Away":
 

I will obey the first time I'm told, I will obey right away;
Never asking why, never with a sigh,
I will obey right away.

We sang that song OFTEN with the kids! (From Patch Praises 1 CD - Check it out!) If your children learn to obey, and aren't out of control, your days will go much smoother, and be more productive.  There will always be times when the kids struggle with this, even though they've been taught right.  Don't let it upset you, but rather remind them what obedience is, and practice the right  response.  Don't get frustrated and look at discipline and training as an interruption in your day.  Remember, that's our job as parents!  One of the reasons we homeschool our children is so we can daily work on their attitudes, and train them in Godly behavior.  It's more important than getting all the academics done for the day.  If they get all their school work done, but have had  a bad attitude the whole time, it really doesn't mean much.  I'd rather they finish only half of their lessons with a good attitude!

5.  Over Commitment
Life is busy, and we all face the challenge of having to choose which things to say yes to, and saying no to a lot more things than we say yes to.  We can't do it all.  When I get too busy, it crowds out my relationship with the Lord, and with others.  When our days are full with activities, it stresses each member of the family.  Being too busy also increases our physical fatigue, and often our health suffers.  The answer lies in making wise choices.  Go to the Lord and ask Him for His wisdom, and for guidance as to what HE wants for your family; how He wants you to use your time, and spend your days; what activities He wants you involved in.  Go to God and seek His priorities daily.

6.  Disorganization
"Let all things be done decently and in order."  (I Corinthians 14:40 KJV)  Being organized and orderly is important to God.  It also will make a huge difference in your productivity each day.  There's nothing more frustrating than starting your day off looking for school books, paper, or pencils.  Having your kids running around doing their own thing because there is no structure, will add to the confusion.  It is well worth it for you to set aside a block of time to organize your time, and make a weekly schedule for everyone to follow, that includes household management.  Keep in mind that the schedule is a  tool, and not your master.  It is meant to give structure and guidance to  the kids, and enable them to know what is expected each day. It's a way to incorporate your priorities into each day, and accomplish the things that matter.   I would  suggest not worrying about exact times, so much as a routine to follow each day.  Allow for flexibility as needed.

Parenting and homeschooling may not always be easy, and there will be times of frustration. Stay encouraged and excited about the eternal value of the job  God has trusted you with as you raise those blessing for Him!

Filed Under: attentiveness, Bible, blessings, Character, Character resource, chidren are a gift, consistent discipline, diligence, discipline, Discouragement, encouraging children, eternal value, Feeling overwhelmed, frustrated mom, Homeschooling, Mothers, obedience, Parenting, routine for kids, Scheduling, sibling conflict, stressed Mom, structure for kids, training children, wisdom from God

7 Causes of Frustration in Parenting

September 20, 2012 By 11 Comments

7 Causes of Frustration in Parenting – Part 1

Parenting is a challenging job that can sometimes be discouraging; at other times it can be just plain frustrating and stressful.  As a homeschooling mother of eight children, I have had many times of feeling very frustrated and/or stressed.  It’s normal to have those feelings at times.   However, it shouldn’t be the norm.  God meant for our children to be a blessing and a joy to us, not a burden that stresses us.  If I am constantly stressed and frustrated, I am not going to enjoy homeschooling my kids, or being with them.  Therefore, when I find myself feeling this way, I try to identify the cause.  Once I know what is causing it, I am able to work on a solution that will take away that frustration.  Some of the most common causes of parental frustration are:

1. Arguing and Sibling Squabbles
This is probably one of the things that frustrates me the most!  It can be overwhelming when the kids are continually teasing, tattling, bossing, putting each other down, etc.  However, as I have told my children often, God put each of them  in our family with their unique personalities, to help each of us learn and grow.  There are daily opportunities to learn to treat each other kindly, respond properly to irritations, practice self-control, and be a peacemaker.  Dealing with the sibling rivalry and conflicts isn’t always easy, but it will make your home much more peaceful , and help your kids develop skills that will be valuable when they become adults. (I will address sibling squabbles a little more in a later post.)

2.  No Sense of Accomplishment.
How many times as busy moms do we end our day feeling discouraged because “we didn’t get ANYTHING done”?  I am a list person, and I like to accomplish things, and cross them off my list.  I  have been known to finish a job, and when I found that it wasn’t on my to-do list, I added it to the list, just to have the wonderful feeling of being able to cross it off!  Therefore, it can make me rather frustrated when I look at my list at the end of some (many!)  days, and nothing is crossed off.  I had to realize that the things on my to-do-list usually weren’t as important as the things that I had accomplished that day.  The time I had spent serving  my husband and family, teaching and training our children, or teaching  God’s Word to the kids was time spent on things of eternal value.  Any time we spend investing in our families, is time well spent.  The results may not be immediately visible, like a finished project in the home would be, but in the end it’s what really matters.  If you are focused on what is eternal, your choices each day will reflect a desire for the things that matter to God.

3. Lack of Character in Kids
If my kids are weak in certain areas of character, it can make things much more stressful.  For example, if I am trying to teach them, and they haven’t learned to be attentive, it is very frustrating to me.  I can’ teach them anything if they aren’t paying attention.  If they haven’t learned to be diligent, getting our academics done daily can become a source of frustration.  Working on  character training and development when the kids are young, and making that a top priority, will reap great results, and make the later years much easier.  I believe the harder you work on teaching and training your children when they are little, the easier your job will be later.  If you aren’t doing anything to train your children in Godly character, I would suggest you start now, and have a character lesson daily that is built on God’s Word.  My favorite resource for this is “Character Building For Families”.  We used it with all of our kids together, from the four year-old all the way up to the teens.  I loved it because it’s very thorough, the lessons are based on Scripture, AND  because it takes no preparation!  As a busy homeschooling mom, I love resources that take no preparation!  (To learn more about this book, click here.)

Continued tomorrow…..

 

            

Filed Under: attentiveness, Character, Character resource, Chidl training tips, chidren are a gift, diligence, eternal value, Feeling overwhelmed, frustrated mom, Frustrated Moms, Homeschooling, no accomplishment, obedience, Parenting, peacemaker, routine, routine for kids, Scheduling, sibling conflict, stressed Mom, training children, wisdom from God

A Joyful Mother? (Part 1)

September 17, 2012 By 1 Comment

A JOYFUL Mother?    -   Part 1          

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord."  Psalm 113:8

When I read this verse in my Bible today, it made me cringe.  When I thought about the word my kids would use to describe me ,  JOYFUL wasn't the first thing that came to mind!  Being honest, many times they would more likely use the word stressed, grouchy, or irritable to describe me.  Now don't get me wrong – I'm not like that ALL the time.  :-)   However, those words would probably rate a little higher on the percentage chart than the word JOYFUL. 

As I was thinking about this, several thoughts started going through my mind.

WHAT MAKES ME LOSE MY JOY SOMETIMES?

1.  People 

Usually the people that I let steal my joy live with me!  As  homeschooling moms, we are with our kids all day, every day.  Sometimes if we aren't careful, we can let them steal our joy.  It could be something they say, the way they are acting, as well as what they do or don't do.  The truth is that they are not to blame for my lack of joy.  My reactions are to blame.  I really shouldn't be surprised when my children disobey, have a bad attitude, or don't want to help.  They are born as sinners, and it is my job to train them in Godly character, and help them in those areas.  My reactions to their wrong behavior show what is in my heart.  At times it's selfishness, and it makes me resent the extra time they take, or the fact that they don't want to help.  I have to choose to respond to them with love, and ask God to help me keep a right spirit, and not lose my joy.

2.  Circumstances   

It's so easy to get irritable when things aren't going well.  The dryer quit working; it's a rainy, gloomy day and we have errands to run; the baby was up part of the night and we are exhausted; etc.  If we let circumstances determine our happiness or joy, we are going to be miserable much of the time!  It's very easy as homeschooling moms to be very joyful on the days that the kids are all behaving, the school schedule is just moving right along, and things are running smoothly.  Being realistic though,  not all days are going to be like that, and we have to maintain the right spirit despite the circumstances and how things may be going. 

3.  Worry   

This is probably the biggest and worst thing that steals my joy!  As moms, there are so many things we can worry about!  We worry about our kids' safety, their health, their behavior and attitudes, their academic progress, etc.  When there is a problem going on with one of them, it is easy to let it consume our minds, and steal our joy.  It's also easy to worry about finances, and how to get everything done that we need to, etc.  I will take these worries to the Lord, but often  find myself carrying them again a little later.  Other times I will take the worries to God, but "worry" about how I can "help" him.  Worry will keep me up at night, and then I am a tired mom in the morning, which leads to even less joy.  This is an area where God has really been working on me.  I need to just "let go and let God."  When I am feeling overwhelmed with worries or burdens, I repeat the verse over in my mind: "Be still and know that I am God."  It's such a relief to know we can leave our cares, worries, burdens, and needs in God's hands.  I love this quote:  "Every evening I turn my troubles over to God — He's going to be up all night anyway!"

                                       …….CONTINUED TOMORROW…….

Filed Under: circumstances, expectations, grouchy Mom, Homeschooling, irritable Mom, joyful mom, Mothers, Parental example, Parenting, reactions, stressed Mom, Teaching kids to trust God, worry
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