How Do You DO It With EIGHT Kids?! (And Tuesday LINK-UP Party!)

October 8, 2012 By 16 Comments

"You have EIGHT children?"  How do you do it?  I only have two, and it's all I can do to keep my sanity!"

I have heard comments like that more times than I can count!  People are just SHOCKED that I have eight children, and homeschool them as well. I always reply to their comments with "It's not always easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world!"  Yes, raising and teaching children is a tremendous challenge and responsibility. It takes time, patience, discipline, and the willingness to sacrifice.  But it is also the most rewarding task ever.  Some days the noise and confusion gets to me, and I feel like I'm going to go insane.  However, at the end of the day when I look back, I realize how blessed I am to be part of such a wonderful, crazy family!

I'd like to just share a few things that have helped me through the years.  I don't claim to be an expert in parenting or homeschooling, but the Lord has taught me a few things over the years of parenting and homeschooling our kids – and I've learned a few things the hard way too!  :)

1.  Prepare your heart each day for your children.
It's so important to have the right approach and attitude.  If you start your day dreading what is about to come, you're off to a bad start.  I know there were days when I prayed that God would give me a special love for that difficult child, that enabled me to greet him/her warmly in the morning, rather than thinking "Ugh.  Why are you up already?!"  I try to prepare myself mentally by acknowledging that there will probably be some attitudes to deal with, or fighting and arguing.  There will more than likely be messes to clean up, and lots of questions to answer.  I ask God, in advance,   to give me the wisdom I need, as well as the patience and love I need for each child that day.  I ask him to help me to respond right.  I don't want to be short and snappy in my replies, or "bothered" by their requests.  I want them to see God's love and joy shining through me.  My goal is to set an example that will cause them to love the Lord more.  It starts in my heart, and I have to prepare my heart by seeking God in prayer, and through His Word.

2.  Put your children and their needs first.  (Not before your husband though!)
Parenting requires sacrifice.  It means I have to be willing to put down that book I really want to read, and spend time with the kids.  I may not be able to stay on the computer as long as I'd like, and read all those wonderful blogs, or check in on Facebook.  Many of the things that I enjoy doing have been put on hold, or pushed aside for awhile.  I only have so many years to spend with my kids – those other things can wait.  The joy of watching the little ones learn, or the smile on their face when you agree to read to them,or play with them is SO worth the "sacrifice".  (I have learned though that I still need to schedule a little time for self-renewal.  However, it is a planned thing, and doesn't take me from them at the wrong times.)  By the way, the sacrifice also may mean going without some of those "extras" that two income families have. My husband and I talked about this, and decided we would rather do without some things, and allow me to stay home to teach, train, and enjoy the children.  Not everyone can do that, and I'm very glad I've had that privilege!

3.  Schedule your time so you won't be continually stressed.
Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to clean, prepare the school lessons, cook the meals, etc. that I have no time to stop and just enjoy the children. Often I end up fatigued, and irritable – not much fun to be around.  Recently I was feeling stressed with all the things I had to do, as well as the things I felt I was neglecting.  So I made a list of 5 things to put time for in my daily schedule.  My list included time for: God and His Word,
self-renewal (physical and emotional), housework/meal prep, school, family, and business.  It didn't seem as overwhelming to me when I broke it down like this, and yet I was able to cover the important areas each day. Even if I wasn't able to give all of them as much time as I wanted to, it was better than days of totally skipping some of them.  Your list may have different things on it than mine, but I would encourage you to list your priorities, then schedule them.  You don't want to stay so busy working that you don't take time to enjoy the process.  Kids grow up too fast, and these days will be over.  Enjoy the time you have with them, whether it's teaching time, working together, or playing together.  (See my previous post with the song "Please Take Time".) 

4.  Remember that parenting is a stewardship that you will answer to God for.
These precious children actually belong to God, and I only have them for about 18 years to prepare them to be what God wants them to be.  No one else can do what I can for my children as their mother.  I must remember that, and not neglect the responsibility I have.  I also can't try to do it on my own.  I MUST seek God for wisdom and strength!  Each child is so different, and has different needs.  I need God's help as I try to meet those needs, and prepare each of my precious children to grow up prepared to do what God has planned for them.  Of course, my biggest goal would be to give them a heart for God, so they will not only be prepared, but also WILLING to do what God has planned for them.

I don't ever want to get in the mind set that my children are a burden or a bother, when God says they are a blessing.  I want to do my best to raise Godly children for Him. Some days may be rough, but what an awesome privilege God has given us as mothers.  Never forget the saying: "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world."  If we don't rear godly children, who will?

 

TUESDAY LINK-UP PARTY!!

We would love for you to link up with us—share your posts on  homeschooling, homemaking, character, or parenting.  We would love to have you share it with us!

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Filed Under: Bible reading, blessings, blessings of large family, Character, chidren are a gift, Frustrated Moms, Homeschooling, irritable Mom, Large families, Mothers, Parenting, Preparing mind for the day, Putting children first, Putting Kids First, Reaing Godly children, right thinking, Scheduling, stewardship of parents, stressed Mom, wisdom from God

Blessings of a Large Family

September 8, 2012 By 14 Comments

God blessed my husband and I with eight wonderful children.  Back when they were all younger, and we had little ones, I was amazed at the comments and looks we got from people when we went out as a family.   For that matter, when I just mention to someone that we have eight kids, I get shocked looks.  “You have EIGHT kids?!  I only have two, and I can’t handle it.  How do you DO it?!”   Others comment on how patient I must be.  Some even come right out and say I must be crazy! 

The truth is that I’m really not all that patient, but I may be a little crazy!  :) I am crazy enough to believe that children are a gift from the Lord, since that’s what His Word says.  I’m also crazy enough to believe that God will supply all our needs as His Word says.  Most people today look at children as a burden.  They worry that they can’t afford more than one or two children. I can’t say that I never worried about money, but I can say that God NEVER failed to provide. 

Some blessings we have found with having a large family:

1.  A large family can reach more people for the Lord.  We have children (young adults) who are now serving the Lord, and reaching more people for Him than we ever could on our own. I think of my oldest son who is a missionary in the Philippines.  I feel overwhelmed when I hear of how God is using him and his wife, and the many, many people they have  brought to Him as they serve there.  I think of my teens who go out visiting with the church every week, and tell others about the Lord.  I think of my son who just got married, and is now working in a church.  What a thrill to see the outreach our family has, beyond what just my husband and I can do. 

2.  My kids have learned much in the home about getting along and serving.  I have always told my children when they were having a conflict with one of their siblings, that God put them in this family with those siblings to help them grow in character.  With several children, they have learned how to be peacemakers.  They have had many opportunities to serve and care for younger sibilings. They have learned to share. They have been taught the importance of helping in the home, and serving in love.

3.  My children have had built-in playmates, and rarely found themselves with nothing to do, or no one to play with.  The kids who weren’t as creative and imaginative, played with the kids who were.  We never spent a huge amount of money on toys for our children, but they were content with what they had.  They also learned to appreciate what they had, because they didn’t have so many material things that they just took them for granted.

4.  Having a large family has helped me grow in many ways.  I never realized, and no one ever told me, just how hard it is to be a mother!  I just pictured bringing this sweet little baby home from the hospital, and living happily ever after.   No one warned me about the sleepless nights, the intense battles of the will, the never-ending diapers, dishes, laundry, etc.  Then there was the little thing of patience, which I quickly realized was not one of my stronger character qualities. :) God knew what I needed, and through the years of parenting, He used each child’s unique personality to help me grow in certain areas of character, and to teach me to depend on Him.  (I'm still growing and learning, by the way!)

4.  Probably one of the things I love most about having several children, is the support system it gives them.  My kids may not have always gotten along like I wished, but they have a fierce loyalty and love for each other.  Some of them are married now, and some are young adults.  They encourage each other, and give support as needed. Sometimes I don’t have the words to say to one of the kids that is struggling, or they just need to hear something from someone other than Mom.  That’s when the siblings jump right in with phone calls, or texts, encouraging the sibling who may be discouraged, or going through a difficult time. It just warms my heart like nothing else, when I see this happen.  We always told our children that their siblings should be their best friends, because other friends would come and go, but their siblings would always be there for them.  I LOVE seeing how true that is for them now that they are older. 

Perhaps you only have one child, or you may have several.  The important thing to remember is that each child is a gift from God!  Embrace and enjoy the family God has given you!
 

Filed Under: blessings, blessings of large family, can't afford children, Character, chidren are a gift, depending on God, Discouragement, God provides, lack of patience, Large families, missionary son, Parenting, reaching more for God

What to Do When Your Kids Are Driving You Crazy

July 9, 2012 By 2 Comments

Recently I was talking to a mom who had several children.  She commented on how the kids were driving her crazy that day, and asked if I had ever dealt with that when my kids were younger.  I laughed, and told her that I remember having quite a few days like that.  She then asked me what I did when I had "one of those days".  I shared with her the following article from my booklet Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Best Mom of All?

 

 

We've all had "those" days.  I haven't figured out yet whether it's what I feed them that morning, or whether it's just me, but some days I wonder where I can go to turn in my resignation as a mother!  Well, since I don't REALLY want to resign as a mother, I decided that I had better come up with a way to handle "those" kind of days, and keep my sanity at the same time. I found that when the kids are aggravating me a lot or seem to be unusually bad, the best thing I can do is drop what I'm doing and give them some attention.  It seems that they are always their worst on the days when I am really busy trying to get a lot done.  Often all they need is a little attention, and then they are fine.  Here are some of the things that I have done to help with this:

1.  Have a snack time.  My kids get excited about having a snack of raisins, cheese and crackers, fruit, etc.  Sit and talk to them while they eat and usually they'll be ready to go and play nicely when they're done.

2.  Go outside for a walk.  The fresh air is good for them, and helps them use up some of that boundless energy.  Walking also relieves some of your stress!

3.  Read to them.  Let them choose one or two of their favorite books for you to read to them.  Then tell them that if they will play quietly while you finish (fill in the blank), you'll read them another one when you are done.

4.  Play with them.  Often they are just bored and a few minutes of playing with Mom will give them ideas of what they can do.

5.  Love them.  Sometimes I just rock the younger ones for a few minutes, and hug them and tell them "I love you."

6.  Sing with them.  They will enjoy this, and it also helps my attitude get right.

7.  Go for a ride.  All kids love to go 'bye-bye.'

8.  Do exercises.  I try to exercise everyday, and doing it with the kids makes it a lot more fun.  (Or should I say FUNNY?!)

9.  Get out some special toys that they aren't allowed to have all the time.  (like puzzles, play dough, crayons, etc.)

10.Let them help you with what you're doing.  Let them help fold clothes, or "clean" the refrigerator, etc.  It makes them feel important to be able to help, and kids love cleaning with Mom.  You may be surprised at what they are capable of doing to help you with household chores.

If all of these fail, forget about what you're doing and give them all the time they need.   Your kids are more important than anything!

Filed Under: Frustrated Moms, Knowing God, Large families, Mothers, Parenting, Putting Kids First, Winning Kids' Hearts

My Hero (a.k.a. Momsie)

May 13, 2012 By Leave a Comment

This is a "guest post", written by my oldest daughter, Joy.  I am not sharing this in an effort to brag on myself, or bring glory to me.  Instead, I share it to bring encouragement to all the moms out there who work so hard, but like me, might be tired.  Don't give up!  Stick with your calling – there is none so noble.  Most important, our job as mothers goes beyond the everyday mundane duties to those things that are of eternal value, as we raise our children to know & love God.

 

 

When I began thinking about Mothers’ Day, I tried to identify what we consider heroic and admirable in others. True visionaries are not only capable of seeing something beyond the norm but then have the dedication to see it through to completion. They are driven enough that when faced with obstacles they accomplish as much, if not more than those that have it easier.
 

My mom is a true visionary, and I look up to her as the embodiment of a strong woman who sees what she wants and goes after it.  Despite getting her degree and having a successful career, my mother chose to change her career path after she married and began having children.  Her all-encompassing passion was to be intimately involved in her children’s lives, to be integral in their education, and to raise them to be the best they could possibly be.  This calling became her highest priority and life goal.  Her strength and determination to follow and share her calling no matter how difficult things became is an inspiring example for anyone in following their dreams as well. 
 

My mom gave birth to eight children.  To me, that should be enough to inspire accolades for any woman!  In number alone, this is an exceptional accomplishment, but when you add in the difficulties of each pregnancy compounded on tending and caring for the other children, I’m pretty sure that sainthood should be awarded. 
 

I still remember when my dad pulled a mattress out into the living room when she was pregnant with her 4th.  She was too sick to be up and about, but wanted to be in the same room as the older three while we played during the day.  That’s dedication.  Rearing children is a daunting task that takes constant energy, consistency, and patience—yet my mother managed to do so amidst her multiple pregnancies with grace and with love.  Of course there were hard days—but those aren’t the memories that stand out—what stands out is the sense of love and security she provided for us day in and day out no matter what she was dealing with. 
 

Not only did my mom give birth to eight children, she also homeschooled each of us.  Taking on the education of your children is an enormous and burdensome commitment that will keep you constantly second-guessing yourself, and hoping that you’ve chosen the right path.  It wasn’t as popular to homeschool back in the 80s, and my mom dealt with a great deal of criticism and doubt.  But the negativity did not sway my mother from the duty she felt called to.  Day in and day out she worked with each one of us on our separate subjects, carefully analyzing what approach was best from one child to the next, and managing to balance the role of mom and teacher with patience and love.  She knew how to demand the best from her children as students, but more importantly, she knew how to step out of the teacher role and back into the motherly one when we were feeling overwhelmed and just needed some love.  That is a difficult equilibrium to find, but she did so successfully time and time again.
 

Now, one might think that between pregnancy, child-rearing, and homeschooling, she would have no outside interests, or at the very least, no extra energy to pursue any hobbies outside of her family.  But my mom felt so strongly about her calling to be a hands-on, home-educating mother, that she began sharing her vision with others and ended up creating a small, home-grown business.  This endeavor was designed specifically to reach out to parents who shared similar values and goals, to encourage them through the rough times, and to share helpful advice from her own personal experience.  For the past 15 years, my mom has been traveling to homeschooling conventions in the United States, speaking to large groups of homeschooling families, and selling merchandise that can help them in a multitude of different areas, from teaching their children character, to the best way to schedule their schooling subjects.  So in addition to rearing and educating eight children for years, she has also been encouraging and helping other families in their quest to do the same.  The fact that my mom loved speaking and pursued it speaks to her strength and ability to not allow her personal interests to become lost within caring for her family.
 

My mom’s first pregnancy was in 1980, and her last was 17 years later, in 1997.  She began home educating in 1985, and is still schooling my youngest brother.  She will not be finished until 2015–30 years after she first began.  As for her role of mothering—that is something she will never bebfinished with.
 

My mother is tired, but she is not done.  I know there are days that she probably wishes she could be finished, but she has never given up.  I think it’s pretty obvious why my mom is my hero.  Her embodiment of a strong woman and dedication to her career choice should be an inspiration to everyone who has a dream, a value, or a cause that they feel called to pursue. 
 

Filed Under: Homeschooling, Large families, Mothers, Parental example, Parenting

Myths About Large Families

April 17, 2012 By 18 Comments

The Lord has blessed my husband and me with eight children.  When the kids were younger, and we went places as a family, we would see heads turning as they mentally counted, "1,2,3…"  We also got lots of comments like, "Are they ALL yours?!"  Often people would say to me, "You must have a lot of patience."  The truth is that I've run out of patience with those types of comments.  The world looks at people with large families and says, "You're crazy!"  But God says children are a heritage and reward.  According to the Bible, children are a blessing or gift from the Lord.  The world is telling us many myths about large families. Here are some of the common myths I have heard often:

You can't afford to have a large family today.

The Bible tells us that God will supply all our needs.  Many times people who say this really mean they can't have a large family AND the high standard of living they desire.  God says, "And having food and raiment, let us be content."  We found it was a huge blessing to see God supply our needs, and also to have to trust Him for those needs.  Our kids have seen God supply, and have learned to trust Him as a result.  Maybe we can't afford the best of everything, but we feel blessed to have eight gifts from the Lord.

My kids drive me crazy! I can't get everything done!

Usually the folks saying this are giving away the fact that they aren't disciplining their children, and they are too busy with themselves!  Yes, my kids drive me crazy sometimes too, but I've found over the years that has usually been the case when I'm too busy doing what I want to get done, and I resent being bothered.  Other times it's because I've slacked off on discipline, and am not requiring instant obedience.

I always enjoyed going out to eat when the kids were younger.  We got a log of stares due to our large group, but often as we were leaving, we heard comments like, "Your kids are so well behaved!"  People aren't used to seeing kids that mind are pleasant to be around.  Therefore, they believe several kids would drive you crazy!

As for, "How do you get everything done?", the world looks at children and sees WORK.  Yes, much work is involved. But, I see them as workers!  If you train your kids to help, you are able to manage things easier, and they learn character.  You're also training them to work for the Lord!

I get so bored, and feel unfulfilled just being a mother.

I remember when a young lady from church told me that when she had children she planned to stay home with them, and quit working.  In response to that, a friend had told her, "You'll stay home for awhile, but then you'll get bored!"  Well, that's true IF you feel that raising kids isn't serving God, and isn't of eternal value.  And yes, you may feel ‘unfulfilled" IF you expect to accomplish all your goals.

Here's God's answer.  Get excited about molding and training Godly children!  What an opportunity and what a challenge!  Do all you can to learn how to train your kids in God's way.  Rather than being ‘bored", you'll find that you are growing as you look to God for help and wisdom, and as you die to self to meet the needs of those children.

All of these myths stem from the idea that children are a bother, not a blessing.  As Christian parents may we replace that worldly attitude with the idea that what we're doing is a Godly investment.  The Bible says we will reap what we sow.  We are sowing to reap men and women who will be spiritual warriors and give their lives to serve God.  What a blessed privilege!

Filed Under: Bible, Character, Large families, Parenting